Kaile Hunt 0:10
Whether you just welcomed your baby, have a three month old, a six month old or a toddler. How will you navigate raising a child while being a military spouse and having to parent alone from time to time. Today, we are speaking with military wives and hearing their tips and tricks on parenting solo while being a military spouse. Thanks for joining us. This is newbies.

Welcome to newbies. My name is Kaile Hunt, and I'll be your host today. If you haven't already, be sure to check out our website, new mommy media.com and subscribe to our weekly newsletter, which keeps you updated on all the episodes we release each week. Another great way to stay updated is to hit that subscribe button in your podcast app. And if you're looking for a way to get even more involved with our show, then check out our online community. It's called Mighty moms. That's where we chat more about the topics discussed here on our show, and it's also an easy way to learn about our recording. So you can join us live today, we have some seasoned moms joining us who are military wives and have to parent alone from time to time when their husbands are away. Our first mom is Rachel. She is a mom to a one and a half year old girl. Rachel, thanks for joining us, and please tell us more about where you're located, because military families are all over the country, and more about your family. Oh, thanks for having me again. Super excited to do this

Rachael Terrio 1:58
podcast with you guys. But so right now we are in Hawaii. We are actually getting ready to move in about, oh my goodness, what, like four months, for four months, or something like that. We're moving back to Connecticut, but my husband is a submarine, or submarine, or some submarines, yeah, no, and I'm so happy you're joining and fun fact, Rachel has been on our show before, on our panels, and she was amazing.

Kaile Hunt 2:26
I'm happy you're joining us because you, my goodness, are like, super mom, you have such a unique story, if you don't mind just talking a little bit about it. But like, How long, I guess, have you had two parents solo to your you know, your first born?

Rachael Terrio 2:44
Before he went on deployment, he had to go on like, a three week, like, workout, I think I don't really know what it is. It was something, and he was gone for three weeks. And if you don't, if you're not, know, familiar with the submarine community. It's you don't hear from them. They're not there. The most communication you get is that in the email, and sometimes you don't even get that. So he came back for like, three weeks. I didn't really know until he came back. The day he came back, because I wasn't on it wasn't his normal submarine. So, like, I didn't get usually, what they do is they have like, a call, and someone calls you and be like, hey, the boat's pulling in this time, blah, blah, blah, they're coming back. And I'm like, okay, cool, but I didn't get that, so I didn't know. And then it was about maybe, like, three or two weeks after he came back from that underway is when he left for deployment. And they it was supposed to be half deployment, because before I had my daughter, he was on the appointment again, and so I had to navigate being alone, uh, pregnant. When I was pregnant, being alone because he was he ended up having to do a full seven month appointment. So it was 218 days alone. My daughter was four and a half months old when he left and when he came back, she was 11 and a half months old, and one week to the day he came back on her first birthday. That is so wild. So basically, her whole first year of life honestly about to enjoy newborn days, but yeah, and then it's like, okay, bye, yeah. And it was, it's kind of like, oh, like you were counting down, like the time, the month and the days that he was coming back, but also you were also counting down. I was also calm down my daughter's first birthday. So it was, I was, like, dreading it, but I was also, like, really excited, because if we were going to be a family again. But, um, yeah, so I mean, not only that, we had, I had to do.

Do all of our, you know, holidays first, by ourselves. I had to do, you know, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, you know, you know, all the holidays by ourselves and so. But I mean, I navigated through it. And, you know, that was a really hard chapter in my life and our and like my husband's life too, because he had to miss all everything. It's not only just me. It was, you know, all of us. We were all impacted by it and but yeah, no, it was, you know, I'm just so happy that chapter is over for now.

Kaile Hunt 0:58
So, yeah, definitely, yeah, you made it through, and now you can share wisdom for other future new

Rachael Terrio 5:41
myself as a top person that can just share, like, you know, advice. But then people ask me, I'm like, hi, yeah, I can, I can try to,

Kaile Hunt 5:49
I can try to, yeah, exactly like crazy. Well, yeah, thanks for joining in. Our next mom joining us is Sarah. Sarah has three kids and is also a military spouse. Thanks for joining us. And please tell us the ages of your kids and where you're located.

Sarah Cotter 6:03
Thank you for having me so my kids are seven, five and one year we were stationed in Hawaii. My husband was there for 14 years. He's been in the military for 16, and I was there for 10 with him, and we just PCs for the first time, to Idaho, of all places.

Kaile Hunt 6:26
I love that. I think it's funny because me, I'm a marine spouse, but I love hearing all the different bases people can go to. Like, I didn't even know there was like a base, you know, obviously not marine base, but there's like a place in Idaho for military families. I think that is that something you guys always knew, or was that kind of random as well?

Sarah Cotter 6:45
No. So what's really funny is I would say that Justin, my husband has had a very unique career with the Navy, and there is actually not a base here. We are not stationed at a base. There's no military around. I had to drive an hour away on Monday, actually, to go get my ID updated, because I've had no use of my ID, so I didn't realize it expired, that

Kaile Hunt 7:09
So that's just something, another added thing to add on to this. Oh goodness. Well, I'm happy to have you here. I love the different perspective. You are a definitely seasoned mom of three, being a military wife, and I'm excited to get into all the topics. I will also be chiming in on my tips on taking care of my one year old while my Marine husband had to do shift work. So my husband is in the Marines, and he used to be a correctional officer. Now he's a drill instructor for the Marines. It was just the next thing for him to do. And so while he was a correctional officer, he would be gone 12 hours overnight, like four days a week, and then he had to do training. So there was a few, like, three or four weeks where he was gone in San Diego training, and I had to watch my, you know, newborn, or at that point she was, like, four or five months old, and then he was gone for like three and a half months. And that was pretty wild. That was my first big taste of parenting solo. So we will get into all of our tips and tricks after a short break. Welcome back today. We're discussing parenting solo as a military wife. I'm excited to dive deep into this. We've done a couple of episodes, but this will be a new perspective, and so let's chat about baby needs in the first six months. And I think our expert today is Rachel, right. Rachel, did you have to parent alone? Obviously, you did in the first six months. What are some tips and tricks, especially as a like a first time mom, a new mom, what were some of your worries, and how did you kind of navigate that?

Rachael Terrio 8:40
You know, when Charlotte was 456, months old, I was more worried, you know, about my husband missing things and and I think I was really trying to navigate how to do it by myself and how to get Nick involved. My husband, Nick involved in, you know, in the process of him being gone, you know, I was emailing him like, you know, her milestones, trying to figure out, like, how am I going to communicate with this and how to do it, um,

Kaile Hunt 9:10
How did you communicate with him? So obviously, you had to talk, um, via email, right? And so, yeah, did you prioritize milestones? How many photos were you sending, you know, and then it's kind of like sending it just out into, you know, an email. You don't know when you're going to get a response, you know. So it's kind of like a diary, in a sense, you know,

Rachael Terrio 9:28
Yeah, so exactly like a diary. So I, the first day he left, I got an email from him, and it was like, Hey, we're out blah, blah. And then I did hear from him for about 70 days, 702 months, almost, yeah, because they were at that point where, like, he couldn't communicate with me. So I what I learned from actually, Sarah, because me and Sarah were friends, and we, you know, we talked about all this kind of stuff. Stuff. And she kind of helped me out, and was like, hey, like, number, number, the number the emails, so that way to them get lost. I and so I would number all the emails, and I would email him at the end of the week, instead of emailing it every single day. So that way, like, it would be like, hey, like, this is what we did this day. This is what we did the other day. We went to the park, went to the zoo, we had we went out to, like, you know, we went shopping, we did something. And I wouldn't, it would just be like a, like, a recap of our whole week. And then, obviously, when he got communication back, that means he was getting they were getting ready to port in a foreign port. So when he was able to do that, I would send him pictures. I would send him like we would talk all we were able to talk when he was in port and and we were able to actually video chat too. So he would video chat me, my daughter, you know, obviously, at the time difference was, was a lot. So it was he, it was like, it would be ours. And so while he was, like, getting ready for the day, I was getting ready to have Charlotte go back to bed. And so he would, you know, experience bedtime with us, but through a video chat.

Kaile Hunt 11:23
That's still cool though. I like that. I like that you did that and like pivoted Charlotte's like bedtime routine to make sure when you guys could talk, he was available. That's so good. Now. Sarah question for you, how does parenting change? And I feel like you've been through it right when you had your first born, and then you introduced your second and then your third. So how does parenting change so low from time to time when you have more than one kid?

Sarah Cotter 11:47
So you know what's funny is it does it changes so much? Um, but it also depends on, as far as military life goes, where you're at with that. So I actually have with my oldest Ollie, a very similar story to Rachel Justin. Went on deployment when I was 26 weeks pregnant, and at first they told me that there was no way he was going to come home. And they ended up qualifying, like a bunch of his guys were, like, we're not gonna let you miss your first born child being born, which unfortunately, to anyone who doesn't know, is very common in the military world, very common, yes, yes. And so we were unbelievably fortunate that his captain actually was like, You know what, your guys qualified, you can go home. We're gonna send you home at the next port we hit. Well, I didn't know. I didn't have more than, like, a day or two of a heads up that he was coming home, and I was 35 weeks exactly when his flight from Japan was taking off to fly home to Hawaii. And the moment that his flight took off from Japan, my water broke five weeks early.

Kaile Hunt 12:55
Oh, my goodness!

Sarah Cotter 12:59
Yes, I was like, complete denial. I totally it. You know, they always say like, oh, it's not like the movies. No, mine was like the movies, and I still was like, no, no, I've got to be at 5am because, you know, West Side traffic getting towards the airport in the morning at 8am yeah, late at like, 5am and so I was like, No, I'm going back to sleep, and I ended up driving myself to the hospital. I was at Kapualni at the time for giving birth, so I drove myself to the hospital in my truck, and the poor guy at the hospital was like, Oh my gosh. What is this crazy pregnant lady doing on her own, by herself? Yeah. Wow, yeah. And, like, very long story short, Justin had no idea, and so he ended up coming home, having to go through customs. He got to the hospital, and he walked in seven minutes before my, my oldest, Ollie, was born. Yeah, it was a really cool experience. But in true military fashion, they were like, cool, you didn't miss the birth. We're so glad we weren't gonna pull you back until July, but you're coming now. So he was home for three weeks. Oh my God, and he left when Ollie was three weeks old, and he was gone until Ollie was about almost six months old.

Kaile Hunt 14:14
so that's a long time, and that's a newborn too. So how did you navigate? And I know we've spoke before, but you breastfed your babies. How did you navigate, like breastfeeding struggles, if you had any sleep struggles? I mean, as a first time mom,

Sarah Cotter 14:29
yeah, so I think there was kind of two things to it, right, like I was the first time mom with a newborn, and then on top of that, I had a preemie, and thank God, Ollie was healthy. He did not require any NICU time, but he was teeny tiny. He was like, five pounds, and, you know, cluster feeding and everything, it was a lot, and you just can't ever be sure if you're doing it right or if it's getting enough. And so I think that initially, there was a ton of. Anxiety. I actually had really bad postpartum anxiety. I don't think many people even know this, but I had daily panic attacks. I wasn't sleeping. He didn't sleep more than two to three hour stretches until he was 15 months old. So it was very exhausting, but I think the way that I got through it was one. I sought out therapy, for sure. I think that that is such a helpful tool for anyone, but especially military moms on their own. And then on top of that, I, you know, I tried to make sure I was eating and feeding myself like nourishing me, because in order to nourish him, I had to take care of myself. I got out with friends a lot like I was very intentional about being around other people so that I could make sure that I was gaining my best self and not losing myself. That

Kaile Hunt 15:54
is so helpful. And I think that's literally my next question, though, is what to use for mental support. For Mom, I'll go, I know for me, Rachel and I met at birth class, and we were, like, one of the two or three military moms going there anyway. And so we kind of just connected. I loved that. And so definitely having other mom friends who are going through the same boat is super helpful. Therapy is super helpful. And then having, like, a really good support team and sometimes, and this is interesting to talk about, too, but I really, really liked my daughter's doctor, her pediatric doctor. We went to the military hospital and I and, oh gosh, military hospitals, I mean, they have good and bad about them, but I may it was really hard for me to make sure she still saw the same doctor every visit, and I really tried hard. I called I multiple times to make sure I tried to get the right doctor. And so I did extra work, but I loved her doctor, and so she was really reassuring as well. But Rachel, talk a little bit about, I guess you know, your support, and, Geez, that long stretch of time when you were parenting solo,

Rachael Terrio 16:58
yeah, yeah. So even though I didn't have, you know, support with my family, and my family is all living in Connecticut, so they couldn't come my parent, my mom, my mom, my dad, they don't like to fly very far, and it's a very far flight from Connecticut to Hawaii. But I would talk to them, and I would call them and like, hey, like, this is what's happening, everything, but also friends, friends that are there to, like, help you. And Sarah was actually really helpful. She helped me when I was pregnant with Charlotte, and my husband was gone, and she helped me when Charlotte was, you know, her baby, we would, she would come up, have me come over for dinner. We'd, we'd know, but I would go over her house for four hours. And we did that even before I had Charlotte. So she was really good. And just like, also play dates, you know, having play dates with other other moms and, you know, just getting out of the house, I think, just really helped.

Sarah Cotter 17:59
I think a huge change that I saw on Rachel after having Charlotte with as far as being alone, is that Charlotte gave you so much of a purpose. And so Rachel was actually very introverted, and so really joke around that Rachel was our house pet.

Kaile Hunt 18:21
Yeah, but she was feeding me and

Rachael Terrio 18:25
feeding me dinner. Okay, we're good. And then being pregnant, it was the best, because she cooked me dinners I wouldn't cook by myself, so it was great.

Sarah Cotter 18:35
But I think what I'm getting at is like, she's always been more introverted, and I've always been the more extroverted one, but I feel like I really saw Rachel bloom throughout having Charlotte, and she kind of came out of her shell. Like, I definitely saw you be very intentional about going out of your way to put yourself in situations where you were making friends and you were trying to, like, really take care of your mental health for both you and for Charlotte, like, I've seen so much growth in you, not that you, like weren't grown before, but you know

Rachael Terrio 19:06
what? I know? Yeah, no, I know I'm like, I also think therapy, honestly, helped me a lot. Before, I wasn't seeing a therapist, and then after, I know I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety, she helped me so much, I would know, talk about my day, or talk about what fears I had, whether it be whenever my husband was gone, or like, if I hadn't talked to him, what's going on and like, or have fears about what's what it's going to be like when he comes back from deployment, how it's going to how she's going to be with him, or even just like fears about, like, my family and or like, you know, like or friends or stuff like that. And like, therapy definitely helped me, and I definitely think that was also grown, but also like, having, like, you said, a support system and like,

Kaile Hunt 19:59
yeah. Yes, yeah, no, I think that's super important. Speaking of what you just mentioned, re introduction, when your spouse comes back, so I had a little taste of it. I would FaceTime My husband was gone for about three months, and I would FaceTime him as much as I could while he was in drill instructor school. But it would be very quick. So I was very nervous for when he came back because I have a, you know, stage one cleaner. She she actually is clinging to me, which I don't mind. I know it'll eventually pass, but she clings to me. And so I was very nervous, you know, when I'm been her only support for, you know, three ish months, and then what would happen when my husband came home? But I think, because we FaceTimed all the time, it really wasn't that bad. It only took about a day, and then she was like, dada, this dad died that and so it really got better. But Rachel, I'm curious for you, with that long stretch, how long did it take for Charlotte, when your husband, Nick, came home to, like, reintroduce and have him, you know what I mean, be the role of, like, a second, yeah,

Rachael Terrio 20:54
so I'm gonna be honest, it didn't really take that long. Oh, good, yeah. I think that's because we, we were able to FaceTime, and he was able, she was, he was, she was able to see him, and, you know, but it did take some time, I'm not gonna lie. Uh, it took maybe about, like, oh, like I said, a week. And, you know, when I she, you know, she's so clings to me, still now, even though, like, I'm the person that she will always come to my husband, sometimes she'll come to him, but like, you know, I'm the main person, yeah, but it was funny. I just remember when we when he was home, and I was like, have, you know, be with her, like, play with her, and do all that kind of stuff. And then I was like, Hey, I'm gonna go target. I'll see you later. I went to Target before I by myself for the first time in like months, and it was great. And I felt so bad because she just started crying. And I was like, oh. And I was like, Um, okay, I'll see you later. And then Nick was like, I got this. I got this. So I was like, Okay. And then after that, maybe, like, 20 minutes, she was fine, and I wasn't able, I was able to enjoy my, my target trip, by myself and I, and I also, think getting them involved in, like, have a video of when we when we, you know, reunited when he was coming back from deployment, and I'm holding her, and he, you know, she's clinging to me. She has her arm around my arm, and my daughter, just like, didn't want to do anything, but she was still kind of curious and and then after he came home, she was like, Oh, wait, I recognize you. You're the guy from the phone. Exactly. Yeah. And so it was, it was no, it wasn't hard, but it wasn't also, it wasn't easy either. And I, and I think, you know, getting them more involved and doing the No, the face time as much as possible, if you can that also will help too. And like getting having her recognize, like his voice, I think, definitely helped too. Like

Kaile Hunt 23:07
I agree, I definitely agree. And even saying that, even you reminded me, even now, my husband's back now, and I still, he still can't do bedtime routine. It's just me. No, it just fine. I'm okay with it, but

Rachael Terrio 23:20
I I have to go upstairs with my husband in order to do bedtime. Yeah? Because exactly he will cry. And I'm like, Girl, I I need, I need, I need you to help me out.

Kaile Hunt 23:33
Yeah, exactly how funny, yeah, no,

Rachael Terrio 23:36
she won't do it anymore. So, and

Kaile Hunt 23:39
then Sarah, talk me through so with your three kids, right? Um, how? I guess, you know tips for reintroduction, I'm assuming, and I know when kids are young, young, like babies are young, it's really not that hard. But once they start like talking, it's kind of more difficult. You know, they notice that that is gone and stuff like that. So walk me through any tips that you have for when you had to reintroduce your spouse to your kids? Yeah, I guess their spouse their dad. You know, it's their spouse, but it's also their dad. So tips for that? Yeah,

Sarah Cotter 24:08
so I actually realized as we were talking that I didn't answer your earlier question about just, like, solo parenting with three kids. It's just, I think it's so different. So the only one that I ever really had to like reintroduce was Ollie, but he was so young, and I think that he took to Justin very quickly, but same as what you and Rachel are saying, you know, he was mostly all about mom. I found that all of my kids until about 10 months, are like hardcore mom, and then after that, they really like dad, but they still cling to me, and they're seven, five and one, and that's still the case in some ways, but I think that what's interesting about solo parenting is, like you said, as they're older, they do, they can talk, and they recognize it, and so they don't understand the concept of talking. Time. So like, for me, Justin used to leave, and very similar to Nick's schedule, like he was on a submarine as well, he would be gone for three fourths of the year. And so I understood what, like a long stretch of time was, versus like, you know, oh, he's just gone for two weeks. But for my kids, what I have found is they don't get that so, like, a week or two weeks feels very long to them. And so something that really helps us, I guess, not really introduce because obviously they know who dad is. But right now, like when he leaves, we do our best to talk to him. And a lot of the times at this point in life, if Justin is leaving, it's because he has something very important he's going to do, and he's not really able to talk to us while he's gone, so what we do is we will, like, make photos for him, or if the kids are feeling kind of sad, we'll look through videos of him, and we just talk about the emotions a lot. And obviously that's easier to do with an older kid than it is a younger but it is. It's even when they're younger, you know, at the age of, like, one or two, dad could lead, and they could be having a very emotional time, but they don't know how to explain that, so it's just a lot of like, I guess, leaning into their emotions and trying to meet them where they are and finding ways to make them feel connected with Dad. So, yeah, no, I think that just the tips of making it exciting for seeing dad again. And I feel like we always really tried to stay very busy when dad is gone. So my kids now have school, so that definitely takes up a lot of time. But even you know, whenever they're home from school, normally I would have a, like, very set routine for the evening, but if Justin's not here, then I'm more likely to be like, All right, let's go to the park. Let's go to an indoor play place. Let's go do this, just to, like, really get that extra energy out, because then you also know that you're coming home and you now have three kids that you're getting to bed, and they're all on different schedules, and it can get a little chaotic, but you just kind of have to embrace it at times.

Kaile Hunt 27:08
I love that. Well, we will get into more questions coming up, but first, let's take a quick break. Welcome back to newbies. We are continuing our discussion of parenting solo as a military mom a military spouse. And so I'm gonna rapid fire some questions out. First question, Sarah, where can moms go to make military mom friends? And I'll tee you up with this one. I guess I know you lived on base for a short time. How can you make friends with other moms on base?

Rachael Terrio 27:38
So on base, I think that just going to the parks, getting out, walking, and, you know, in Hawaii, it's really great because there's some beaches on base. So I think there's a lot of opportunities to meet people. You just have to be willing to, like, stick your neck out and do

Kaile Hunt 27:53
it. And that can be kind of hard sometimes, but I find that, like, especially moms of like littles, like toddlers, I feel like we're all in the same boat. And it's so easy to make a mom friend, because you're like, oh, how old is yours? Oh, 18 months. Cool. Mine's like, 12 months.

Unknown Speaker 28:08
Let's hang out absolutely,

Kaile Hunt 28:10
kind of easy, because especially when they're young, because it's just like, Yeah, let's hang out and just have our kids, you know, roll around together, just like, is really easy to do. Rachel, what about you? Where would you recommend moms go to make mom friends?

Rachael Terrio 28:23
Same, same thing. But also, while my husband was gone, you know, reach out to like your FRG, or, you know, someplace that you know, with other wives that are kind of in the same boat as you are. I know Sarah, I was kind of very reluctant and hesitant to go into the FRG and like, meet friends and go to meetings. And then Sarah was like, no, go. You want to meet other people are in the same, you know, situation as you and when I did, and I ended up making some really good friends with with other wives that are, you know, still to this day my friends, it was really great support, because we got to know, kind of just pow wow about, like, our difficulties, what's happening and, like, you know, complain that our husbands are complaining about, you know, having to do this along with that child, or having to do all this kind of stuff. And I think that was really helpful too, because it kind of just, like, took like, pressure off, I guess, you know, because, like, you didn't have to, like, explain to other people, you know, exactly what

Kaile Hunt 29:33
your husband does, no, and they're going exactly through what you're going through, which I think is so, so important. So I guess, question, I know I can't answer this for Rachel, but Sarah, did you ever move in with family, or did like your mom or mother in law ever move out to Hawaii for a short time to help you out with your kids?

Sarah Cotter 29:53
No, so you know, I know a lot of people that do move away during the deployment, but for me, it just. Always felt really important for both myself and my kids to just stay on our schedule. We had a pretty good group of people out there that we're friends with, and I just really like maintaining our schedule and our lives just as consistent as possible. Whenever we're going through an inconsistent thing, such as a deployment or an underway or, you know, a business trip or whatever. I've just always found that for our family, it works better to just kind of stay put and keep doing what we do. But I do know that there are a lot of families that that does work wonders for and they do have that added support, and that is amazing. Now, when we moved, we did go stay with my mom for a month during this transition. So that was helpful. Um, that was one of those things where going to stay with my mom for a month offered us more consistency than coming to Idaho and Justin, being in and out and us being in a completely empty house, not knowing what's going

Kaile Hunt 30:59
empty house and maybe even, not even a car. Yeah, that's pretty huge, I would say, for me. So when my husband was gone in the first year, he only left twice, and it was only for like, two to three weeks at a time, I definitely stayed put and it, you know, we managed. Well, everything was fine, but when he was gone for three and a half months, I'm originally, we both are from California, so I moved back in at my dad's house that my mom would pop in and watch and help and that it comes so it was very helpful. I'm still in California with my family. It's helpful, but it's definitely a different kind of help, because unlike a spouse, where I can be like, Hey, Anthony, can you give her a bath right now with my mom, I have to ask nicer. Can you please? But it's just different how you talk to other family members, not that I'm mean to my husband by any means. We you know, yes, like, Hey, can you can you stop doing that right now? Like, you know, put your phone down and help her. You know, where, like, I am still the primary parent, even with extra help with my family. And so it definitely comes with pros like, Yes, I can go run a target really quick, or I can, you know, do some work really quick for an hour or two, but I'm still kind of revolving around their schedule. And so for some military families who are thinking like, Hey, should I move in with my mom? Or, you know, my parents, or have them move out with me, I definitely think it helps, but just know that it's still, you're still going to be the primary parents. Like I still put her to bed every night and I ate to this day. I've been here for like, four months in California. I have still changed almost every diaper, you know, so it's helpful, but you're still the primary parent, and having, you know, your husband gone is still pretty hard. Honestly,

Sarah Cotter 32:39
I also just feel like sometimes, whenever you do that, like, not in a bad way, but you kind of feel a little displaced. And so for me, I feel so comfortable being in my own home, and I love my family, but you just you, do you feel different being in your family's home when you haven't lived with them for over a decade?

Kaile Hunt 32:57
Literally, yes, because they Yeah, it's their home. They do things differently. The one plus, though, is at least in the house I was in in Hawaii, we didn't have a dishwasher, so I've been loving having a dishwasher. I don't know how I live that long with that one, but you literally hit the nail on the head it. You kind of live by their rules and how they do things when they go to bed and when they wake up. And when my daughter was having her sleep progression, you know, at what was it like? 15 months or 16 months? I'm like, Oh, I feel bad. She's screaming and, you know, my dad's two doors down trying to get sleep for work, you know, right? You definitely have to think about all of those things. Um, when you do move in with family for help, definitely, oh, yeah,

Rachael Terrio 33:39
there's pros and cons. Either way, for sure.

Kaile Hunt 33:41
I love that. Well, we got more questions coming up, but first, let's take our last break. Welcome back to newbies. And so for our last section, I really want to get tips for new moms, or moms who may be doing this for the first time of doing outings solo. So a good one is like, doctor visits solo. I feel like I never had to do that, and I'm really happy I haven't had to. Rachel, I know you had a bunch. So what are some tips for doctor visit solo, and also tips for how you took Charlotte out, but then also how you kept your husband incorporated in that. So obviously, in your weekly, you know, emails you sent, I'm sure you added on, like, Hey, she just had her six month checkup or whatever. So how did you navigate going to the doctor alone and then, like, incorporating your husband? Um,

Rachael Terrio 34:29
well, I try to cover as much as possible. But no, when he, you know, he got, he would, we weren't able to communicate like, hey, like, right away, because, but like, when I did make we get emails like, hey, like, this is a doctor's appointment. This is what she said. She's right on track. Or even she had, like, PT. She had a PT appointments. And, you know, I would let him know, like, Hey, she's doing great in BT. You know, they're saying that she's almost done with PT and all that kind of stuff. And I would, you. Mailed him. And then when he was in Port, I would obviously tell him in person, like, tell him in FaceTime, you know this he would do. But I honestly hated doing Doctor versus by myself, because I always feel like I'm always forgetting something. Oh, definitely,

Unknown Speaker 35:13
yeah,

Rachael Terrio 35:14
you know. And I remember I messaged my doctor, her doctor, and I was like, hey, like, because I forgot to say, like, Could she have water? She was her six month appointment, and she's like, Yeah. And I was like, that would have been something I could have, like, said, like, at the appointment, but I forgot because one, Mom Brain, two, I'm overwhelmed with all this stuff I have to do with, like, having to bring her by myself. But after, you know, the appointments, I let him know, like, Hey, this is what's going on. Blah, blah, blah. Like, she's doing great. She's right on track. And I just trying to get him as much involved as possible. I think that's, you know, what was most important. And I would just remember always her doctor be like, hey, like, how you doing? Because she knew my husband was deployed, and so I remember she came up to me and she hugged me. She was like, You're doing great.

Unknown Speaker 36:08
This is what I needed, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rachael Terrio 36:12
It's little things that really, like, make you going, because I was, you know, the doctor that she's at, she's great. But they're in like, a really weird area in downtown where, like, I have to park, but like, it's weird parking situation, so I park, like, at the mall, like I would always have to go, like, maybe, like an hour before, so that I could, no beat traffic, walk there and then go because, yeah, It's great.

Kaile Hunt 36:40
That's such a mom thing to do, too, yeah, to plan like, hours ahead. I love that.

Rachael Terrio 36:45
Oh yeah. I feel like that's what I do every time, whenever we did our outings, like, to the stores or something, I always made sure, like, okay, nap times at nine o'clock, okay, I do this now. Like, if I go, she goes out for nap time, I can have like, maybe, like, an hour or two hours of myself, and then we can get bottle and then go out. I always have to, like, plan out my days, rather than just having to, like, go back myself, you know, like, without having a spouse there. So that was no,

Kaile Hunt 37:13
kind of weird. Yeah, definitely. Sarah, next question is, How do you tackle doing household chores? Um, with three kids when your husband's gone, and I'll just say the first, like, six months of my daughter's life, I didn't do dishes like, I just didn't he did them like I literally just i and we didn't have a dishwasher. So, you know, I wasn't hand washing dishes anyway. So how do you handle keeping the house somewhat together? I mean, no one's perfect, but you know, while also being the solo parents,

Sarah Cotter 37:40
you know, it's really funny. Um, any Marvel fans out there will understand the reference. There is a scene in one of the last movies, like Avengers movies, that talks about a soul for a soul. And so I always joke it's a room for a room, like, which room do I not care about today? Go hang out in that for the 30 minutes so I can, like, run around and do whatever I need to do. But honestly, I you can ask Rachel, like, I typically stay on top of my house, um, I get really bad anxiety if I don't. But what I have found is just creating, like, a very good routine. I purge a lot so that, you know, I don't get overwhelmed with the amount of stuff. Like, I'm not a minimalist by any means, but if I don't need it, it's it's got to be out of my house. Um, and I just find that, like, one it does help me, in general, with cleaning. But to those times that I am alone, I have a little more ability to, like, not feel frazzled by it. And honestly, those are the times where you really lean into nap time and bedtime. Honestly, sometimes, whenever my husband is here, it's harder for me to clean in the evenings because, like, we want to hang out and watch a show, but if he's not here, then I'm just like, Okay, I have 30 minutes if I just sprint, clean, get everything done that I can possibly in 30 minutes, and I will set a timer, then I can go read a book for an hour, and that's like my bedtime treat.

Kaile Hunt 39:12
I love that. And talking about bedtime, that's so funny. You say that I feel the same way about bedtime routine. When I was solo with my daughter, she was going down by like, eight, 830 everything's fine. She's bathed. I mean, she's fed. But when my husband's here, I don't know what it is, but we just, like, lack we just, we just are so much slower. She's going down at nine, 930 so I would actually say bedtime routine is kind of easier, so low once you get a good hang of it and you know, your kid's not going through any regression, or they're not, you know, teething once, everything's kind of good. Bedtime Routine might sound scary so low. I'm only speaking with one kid, so things might change when I add more. But at least with one kid, it's it's pretty easy. Rachel, how is it tackling bedtime routine with you and Charlotte solo for so long? And then how did it change? When they came. Yeah,

Rachael Terrio 40:01
yeah. So it was a little different, because I had a better time with bedtime when my husband was home when she was four and a half months old, because we really didn't have, like a set bedtime at that point when she was, you know, four months and she was in the early stages of her infancy, we would all go to bed at four at nine o'clock at night, and she would go down by herself. She, you know, she was a unicorn baby, like Sarah always said, and she would go to sleep all by herself. No matter what I love,

Sarah Cotter 40:35
I'm still waiting for the unicorn baby.

Rachael Terrio 40:38
I have a feeling I'm I have a, kind of a feral toddler now, so it's a little, you know. So when he was gone, I was a little nervous, honestly, when he was no when he was gone for that three weeks, for the first time, I kind of got, like, a little trial run and how it was going to be, but I kind of just went through it like I did. I kind of did the same thing we did when we were together. And then as she got older, I realized, you know, she didn't need as many naps. She didn't need to go down at like, nine o'clock. And then we started her bedtime at, like, Well, I started her bedtime at like, seven or eight, and at that point, I had a really hard time having her sleep in her room. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't have our sleep in her room until she was about seven months, 787, or eight months, or something like that. And she was sleeping in her in my in her bedtime bedside bassinet. And I used at that point when I was when she was going down by herself, I was like, okay, like, I can have time to myself, but I was scared because I was like, oh, what's gonna happen? Like, I don't know. Like, I don't know what to do. Like, because I didn't know, I don't know how to navigate by myself. So, but then, you know, I she got older and she was able, she was sleeping more. It was a lot easier, and now that he's whole, like, we kind of just have a routine. Now, you know, she goes, she has no we have dinner, bath, bedtime, and then that's it. Then we have time to ourselves, do whatever we want. But when it was by myself, it was a little different, because I felt like I couldn't, kind of enjoy it by myself a little bit, because I was nervous all the time. I was like, Oh my gosh, she's I have to check the baby monitor. I have to make sure she's okay. Because my you know, and, but she was fine. And I think that, I think I was more worried about how she would feel and, but she was fine. So I think I was just my, like, you know, my anxiety taking over my whole, you know, my whole body. I guess

Kaile Hunt 42:48
I love that phrase. Like, kids are so adaptable. And I never understood that into, like, having a kid, you know what I mean, and they really are under, you know, small circumstances, nothing nature, but they really are. And I know, like, even when we were talking about reintroducing the spouse or dada, yeah, like, just the way that my daughter adapted to all these changes, I'm like, really proud of her, honestly, because I don't know here, right as, like, an older, you know, Mom, I'm like, I'm not handling it well, but I'm glad you are.

Rachael Terrio 43:15
But the thing is, like she did, like she you know, she did great by her going to bed by herself. She did great going into her crib all by herself, which I know some parents have a hard time doing, but

Sarah Cotter 43:28
Charlotte's a rock star. Honestly,

Rachael Terrio 43:30
she's, you know, she, yeah, she is. I mean, I gave her so many props, my my daughter, well,

Sarah Cotter 43:35
I think I had to convince you to, like, keep her in the Charlotte was totally fine. And Rachel was like, I don't like this, okay, but if she's liking it, you just should do it, because, let me tell you, it sucks when they don't like it. Yeah, need them to do it. And I'm

Rachael Terrio 43:50
and, you know, I'm so glad I listened to you, because I can't imagine what it would have been like if I didn't have her do that, because she was so adaptable, and she was just so she was so chill about it. And I was like, Cool. Like, I got this, like, I'm a rock star, but like, you're, you're more rock star than I am. Charlotte, like, I

Kaile Hunt 44:08
love it. Well, any last words of encouragement you would get, or even, like, think of yourself in the early days, like, what do you wish you know you could tell yourself in the early days? Um, obviously being that, like, You're gonna be fine. Everything's gonna be fine. But Sarah, I'll leave this question with you first, what words of encouragement do you have for anyone going through the trenches right now? You

Sarah Cotter 44:28
know, I think that something that I wish I could go back and tell myself, and something that I remind myself during any hard time, really, with anything to do with kids now is it's all a phase. Like we are mothers. We are meant to do this. And I know that there's times that we sit here and we feel like we don't know what we're doing, whether you're a military mom or you're a civilian mom, like we all are in that boat of no one knows what they're doing. We're just doing the best we can, and no matter what, we're going to make three. To make it through because we want to, and we want to do the best by our kids, and that's already the best start that we could possibly give

Kaile Hunt 45:07
them. I love that. Rachel, what about you? What do you wish you could tell yourself or other words of encouragement?

Rachael Terrio 45:13
I mean, same thing, honestly, and it's just a phase, it's just a weird chapter in your life, and it's gonna eventually, you know, phase out. It's gonna, you know, I just always remember just being like, Okay, I have this many months I can do this. She, you know, she's doing great. I'm doing great. And I think just like, you know, just making it through, and it's just a phase, like, it, it's gonna eventually end, you know, like you're eventually going to be together again and be that feeling that you you are going to be again.

Kaile Hunt 45:51
You know, most definitely, I always like taking things literally, like day by day. Like, I'm always like, Okay, today is Monday, you know. And then, like, we're doing this today, and then, okay, that was a that was a rocky day, but Tuesday's gonna be better. I always took things one day at a time, quite literally. And then when I did that, you know, I really felt like the weeks flew by, you know, like day by day they'd take long but when you look back, eventually, you're like, wow, it's been four weeks, and I did all that solo. Like, yay me. And so I really, I really like that as well, yeah,

Rachael Terrio 46:21
and it's so funny because, like, you know, I go back and look at my like, stories of my pictures and stuff, and I realized I'm like, man, like, I was really going through it, but I still did it. Like, you're stronger than you think you really are, you know.

Kaile Hunt 46:36
And definitely,

Rachael Terrio 46:37
I remember always having people telling me, like, or asking me, like, how did you do it? And I was like, I just did it, you know, like I had more of a purpose when I had my daughter. And I just felt like I grew so much, you know. And I, you know, yeah,

Kaile Hunt 46:56
I love that, yeah. Well, thank you both for joining me. I'm so excited to get this episode out, and I think it's going to be a great resource for new moms, military moms and moms and going through it. So thank you absolutely.

Unknown Speaker 47:07
Thank you for having us.

Unknown Speaker 47:09
Thank you.

Kaile Hunt 47:11
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Disclaimer 48:05
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