Kaile Hunt 0:10
You are out of the newborn haze, but now, as you look at your infant, you are struggling to find time for yourself between the map schedules, feeding times, diaper changes and new baby milestones. When do you have time for yourself? Today we are chatting with an expert about finding time for yourself as a new mom. Thanks for joining us. This is newbies.

Kaile Hunt 1:07
Already, be sure to visit our website at New Mommy Media and subscribe to our weekly newsletter, which keeps you updated on all of our episodes we release each week. Another great way to stay updated is to hit that subscribe button in your podcast app. And if you're looking for a way to get even more involved with our show, then check out our online community. It's called Mighty moms. That's where we chat more about the topics discussed here on our show, and it's also an easy way to learn about our recording so you can join us live. Our expert today is Gayane Aramyan. Gayane has always had a desire to understand people their motives and what drives them to make the decisions they do. She is passionate about working collaboratively with clients to connect the dots from past and present for a more helpful and hopeful future. I am so excited to talk to you about this subject. This is really big for postpartum moms, new moms, so thank you for joining us. Please tell us more about where you're located, and a little bit more about your family.

Gayane Aramyan 2:02
Thank you so much for having me. I have a private practice in Sherman Oaks, California, and I also see clients virtually across California as well. Awesome.

Kaile Hunt 2:16
And then, do you have kids? Are you married? Tell us a little bit more about your home life,

Gayane Aramyan 2:21
sure. So I am married to my high school sweetheart. We have been together for almost 16 years, which is really wild to say out loud. And together, we have a four and a half year old boy.

And yeah, we have, you know, have been through a lot. It's not easy to stay together from such a young age. I truly believe when they say, you kind of are with like 10 different versions of yourself in the same marriage, and it's it's very true. And so, you know now we're navigating this new stage, which actually has been my favorite stage so far, this 444, to five transition is pretty awesome. Oh yeah, that makes me happy, because I currently have a two, almost two year old, and I'm like, who I thought newborn stage was hard, because I really loved the one stage when she turned one, it was amazing. And now she's turning two, and I'm like, wow, this is fun tantrums.

Yeah, I truly think that it's, like, kind of a very tough stage with, like, two to even two to four. But I can't tell you, like, once he turned four, it was in the summer. He's grown so much, I mean, so many things, he's just grown out of, and behaviors have changed, and he's just become like my little best friend who talks to me and tells me he loves me all day. It's

Kaile Hunt 3:53
just, it's really, truly the sweetest age. Yet I am so excited, yay. Well, I'm excited to get better. Yes, that's what we love to hear. I love this. Yeah, well, we'll talk more about finding me time right as a new mom. Yes, our quick break. Welcome back today, we're discussing finding me time as a new mother. So first question, I want to talk a little bit about, and I love that you said that you are married to your high school sweetheart. I am married to my high school sweetheart as well. We've been together for a very long time, from high school to college. He enlisted. I did podcasting and news stuff. Anyway, long story short, when you first got pregnant, right? How did you did you know early on what postpartum would look like? I love that you have one kid, right? So you're not comparing, you know, different postpartums, but how did you envision postpartum would look like? And I kind of want to like tee up for the next question. And how was that accurate? You know, your thoughts are maybe unaccurate,

Gayane Aramyan 4:53
yeah. So I, you know, I was a therapist already, but I. Didn't specialize in the perinatal world. I I worked with a lot of women, but it was not women who had kids, so I kind of went into it a little bit clueless. I didn't know what it could do to your mental health, even though it's ironic, because I, you know, I was a therapist, so I should have known, right? But I'm really it's such a overlooked. I think we maybe spent a little bit of time learning about it in graduate school, but there is so much more that you know, a regular person who's not in the field doesn't know about it so yet, alone being in the field and not knowing about it at all, but I actually got pregnant in end of November of 2019 which meant I was pregnant during the pandemic and the start of Italy. So I went through that terrible, terrible time at some point, I remember they were saying that they're not going to let my husband Be in the room when I deliver. So I don't think I had a normal experience, because there was this huge added stress of of course, you know, being afraid of getting sick, being afraid of visitors, and the idea of my husband not being in the room. So it really, really added a layer of stress that unless you went through that period, you wouldn't have I actually experienced pregnancy depression. I want to say I was about nine weeks pregnant. This was before the pandemic started. I was in happy spirits. So happy about our pregnancy, my husband and I were doing great in our marriage. All things were perfect, close to perfect, right? And at some point I just got this wave of depressive feelings and I was confused. I remember crying for no reason. My husband was confused. Our families were confused. I remember my mom was saying, you know, everything is so great, and you know, you wanted this, and you're in a happy marriage, like, what's going on? And I had no answer. And it was truly just the hormonal imbalance that was happening, a shift, you know? And I remember my doctor normalizing that. And that's, again, something I just had no idea about that can happen in the pregnancy. We often hear about postpartum depression, but we don't hear about depression happening during pregnancy.

Kaile Hunt 7:35
No, not at all. And it's so especially the first trimester, a lot happens, right? Like, you find out you're pregnant, typically between four and six weeks, depending on how long a cycle is. And then you're just thrown into, like, start taking your prenatal and no more coffee, and try to get sleep and keep working and try to get it's a lot to take in, I think, and then you're growing a baby, and your little hormones are just surging drastically. And so I love that you bring up pregnancy depression, because although I've never, like, heard that term before, I can look around at some of my friends, especially when they get pregnant very early on after having a baby. So they're doing, like, two under two, you know? And it obviously was a surprise, they're like, kind of, they're stressed, you know, they only have a one year old, and they're about to, you know, have another baby very soon. And so I think that is so important to bring up, because it's something that one should be talked about more and normalized, but also should be talked about amongst practitioners as well. So maybe at like, your first prenatal appointment being like, Hey, how you feeling? You know, there's a lot going on. Your body's changing, you know. So how did you navigate, I guess, getting through that and getting past, you know, you said it happened with you around nine weeks, so getting past that into your second trimester,

Gayane Aramyan 8:52
absolutely. I mean, you know, I did talk to my doctor at the time, she recommended fish oil, but fish oil that was by spoon, instead of it being in a capsule, interesting. And that, again, something I had never heard of. And, you know, if you're listening to this, of course, always consult your doctor. I remember she told me at some point I have to stop taking it because it's a blood thinner. And so there's, you know, there's different nuances there that you can't just like hear this and go take it, definitely a doctor, but I can tell you how, how much that helped. I mean, within a week of taking it every day, I felt such a shift in my mood. It truly, truly, truly helped. And of course, I was seeing my therapist, so I was doing that kind of work as well to make sure that, you know, I try to reframe my thoughts, sit with the sad feelings, make space for it, and truly try to move through it. But sometimes, you know, when it is situational. And not just hormonal, that can have a huge impact and can be a predictor of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. So sometimes, whenever you know the pregnancy is a surprise or there is a conflict within the relationship or the marriage, that can also all the kind of a risk factor for a depressive symptom, an anxious symptom, and can lead to postpartum anxiety or postpartum depression as well. That

Kaile Hunt 10:30
is so important to hear, I guess, to be mindful of your pregnancy, because it could not always right, but it could predict how postpartum is. So switching gears once your little boy was born. How was your postpartum experience? Specifically, you know, it's like 12 weeks after giving birth, right? So 12 weeks the first, they call it the fourth trimester. How was that for you? With navigating whether you were going to go back to your practice early on, maybe you took extra time off. Walk me through your thoughts with having your son, and then, you know, finding time to maybe get back to work, sure,

Gayane Aramyan 11:06
so I had actually so to become a licensed therapist, you need to collect, you need to do 3000 hours of working under someone else's license. And basically, what happened before I went on my maternity leave, was I met the 3000 hours. So I went on my maternity leave, and I got approved to take the board exam. And I, looking back, am absolutely crazy for doing this. I do not I am proud of it, but I also wouldn't recommend it, and I wish I maybe didn't do it, but I studied for my board exam while having a newborn while breastfeeding. Not a good formula for success, that's for sure. And so, you know, it made it really difficult. Then looking back, my postpartum experience was really rough because of that, not just having, you know, I think outside of studying for a board exam. Just breastfeeding alone causes so many feelings and is a hardship on its own, and then just being with a newborn, you know, and having to adjust to that is hard, so all those three things together, it was just very, very difficult, that's for sure. And then at six months, I had weaned from breastfeeding, and I thought, Okay, this is when I get my life back. Things are because you care better. Now, I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and basically what happened is I started feeling more depressed after I stopped breastfeeding and I gained weight. I had low energy. I was extremely tired, and so I, you know, I went to my OB, and interestingly, she kind of dismissed it at the time and said, you know, your new mom, I'm sure everything's okay. And I said, I really want to get my hormones checked. I think something's off with me. And when she checked, that's when we found out, and I was put on medication for it, and since then, thankfully, I've been regulated, and that kind of got I got that regulated basically through medication, and so I felt much better. But that was another thing that nobody had told me about, that I had never heard of, that could happen. You know, with the hormones trying to get back into balance, it just didn't go back into balance. And I actually

Kaile Hunt 13:22
hear that's quite common, that women get diagnosed with hypothyroidism after pregnancy, which is so interesting to me, that just hormones, they just don't shift back into place, especially with the thyroid. I think that, and it's such a big mood disruptor, too. You know, I hear you're fatigued more often and you want to sleep more often, and it's like, here, like your doctor saying, Oh, I think it's just, you know, early newborn days, early infant days, you have someone, you know, baby under one, but really, no, it's like, it's bigger than that. So I'm glad you kept pushing. And that's a good message for our listeners to hear, is to keep pushing. If you think something's off, keep pushing and just ask to get blood work done. You know?

Gayane Aramyan 14:04
Yes, absolutely. I had read that. There's a book called The fourth trimester, and in there is actually, we're read to advocate for your hormones getting checked. And so I think again, that's just something that isn't talked about enough, and people don't know that they they can advocate for something like that. So I think that's an important message, you know, for everybody to hear. And I always advise my clients to even if they get checked at six weeks, if they're breastfeeding and they stop, I always say, Okay, let some time pass, like a month, and then definitely go in and just recheck everything. And even a one year postpartum, it's good to be on top of that, because you never know when your anxiousness or depressive symptoms can actually be something that's due to a hormonal imbalance.

Kaile Hunt 14:54
Oh, I love that. Perfect. Well, we're going to take another quick break, and when we come back, we're going to talk about tips on. How to Find me time as a new mom.

Welcome back. We are continuing our discussion, and so this section is my favorite. I love helping new moms. In this aspect, I'm not very helpful with the newborn phase, honestly, because it's such a blur, and I don't remember night wakings. I don't remember breastfeeding struggle like I don't remember a lot, but what I do remember is carving out me time because it made me feel so much better. So first question for you is tips for new moms, and what are some easy me time activities that moms can do, let's say after the newborn phase, right? So we're looking at like three months to like six to seven months. What are some things you remember doing that greatly impacted your mood positively?

Gayane Aramyan 15:49
You know, I'm a huge believer in scheduling, planning things out, putting it on the calendar, because unless it's on the calendar, it's most likely going to happen, at least. That's how I function. And so when I prepare clients for the postpartum period, will often kind of have a rough draft of a schedule and a calendar, and we'll look at it and we'll say, okay, approximately when do you think you'll be ready to go on date night, and it's totally just, you know, you're guessing. You don't know how it's gonna be once, baby's there, things might change. You might not want to, and that's absolutely okay. But I do believe that putting it out there kind of helps you mentally prepare. And then you get to decide if you want to, you know, stick to it or reschedule. It's okay to reschedule, and so we'll put you know, I remember through my own journey, I remember we put date night on our schedule, and we made it happen, and it was just so needed, even if it's time with a girlfriend or getting your nails done or taking a walk by yourself, something small can be just as impactful. It doesn't have to be a full on, like outing. You know, I think that taking 10 minutes to read or doing something that brings you joy. And these are the things we also talk about when my client, like my clients are pregnant, if I'm seeing them beforehand, we'll talk about like, what are some things that bring you joy? Let's write those down, because I want them to be able to access that when they're in the postpartum phase, and to reflect on, hmm, okay, well, reading brings me a lot of joy. I forgot about that. Let me implement that in my schedule. I love

Kaile Hunt 17:41
that you are just putting all the correct bullet points. I fell in love with reading when my daughter was after the newborn phase, right after she's sleeping a little bit better at night. I am just so proud to become such a fun reader with book talk and Instagram followers and yes, reading was such a joy for me, and I love that you can literally read anywhere. So if there's any listeners who like to read like myself, I remember when she was like, three to seven months was a really good time, because I could actually read an actual book. And I have always been a book girl. Then I forget. I think it's like the four month sleep regression, or maybe the nine month sleep regression. Anyway, they start to get a little bit more sensitive to sounds, and so I couldn't be flipping pages anymore, so I switched to my iPad or my phone and just downloaded the Kindle app. I don't know if an actual Kindle, but the iPad works. Your phone works anyway. So that was such a joy for me, because I actually looked forward to naps or when she would like go to bed early, because I was like, okay, yes, I could do the dishes. But who wants to do the dishes? I want to read my fantasy book right now. And that was such a lovely me time for me to look forward to be like, Yep, and then we can do the dishes when she wakes up. It is okay. And so, yes, I so agree with that. I also love that you said you put stuff on your calendar. I'm definitely a type B person, and that has come out through parenting, honestly. And so my husband and I will text each other, we'll be like, hey, tonight, let's watch this movie. We got really big into watching old, like, 2000 movies, like Cheaper by the Dozen Night at the Museum, like, totally aging us. But we would watch those movies, yeah, like in, like, the cheaper five, that doesn't one and two Night at the Museum. I think there's like, three of them, one, two and three. So we made dates like that. And it was when our daughter would fall asleep, and we did co sleep for a very long time, as in, she was in our room, in her cot, and so we would have the volume on low, and so, but I remember looking forward to, like, nights like that, where he didn't have to go to work early. I didn't have any early morning meetings, and so we would stay up a little bit late and watch fun older movies. That was really nostalgic anyway, but yes, carving out me time, and then I would go to bed happy, or even if, you know, it was a rough night because kids don't sleep well for the first couple of years, it would be. Okay, because I would be like, You know what? I watched a really funny movie, and it's okay that she's waking up a few times because we get to, you know, try again tomorrow or tomorrow night will be better. Anyway, I just had a better outlook. I guess you filled your cup. Yeah, exactly, rather than, you know, struggling with nighttime routine and having and then she falls asleep, and I'm like, Well, I better fall asleep now. It's like, no, let's do something. For myself. Yeah, love that switching gears. I love that we're talking positively, right? But let's say that's really hard to do. So where can moms start to find or try to do me time? Maybe even talk to their partners or husbands about, okay, let's have some me time. I feel like we're roommates, right? That's such a big topic right now. On like social media, is the roommate phase after having kids, where can new moms begin the conversation with their husbands

Gayane Aramyan 20:52
again? Ideally, I would love these conversations to happen before the baby's there, right? Because it's a good time to just think about like, Hey, how are we going to reconnect if we seem like we're mates, if we feel like we're not connecting? What are some things you love? What are some things you know that make you feel loved and appreciated? So having those conversations can be helpful. Now, of course, totally okay if at some point you're having it in the postpartum phase, it's better than not having the conversation, but it's really checking in about what your needs are. And so, you know, not just for the mom, but for the dad, too. Of you know, how do you how do you get to rest? What do you need from me? I think a really good question to ask each other throughout the week is, how can I help you this week? How can I show up for you? And I think that can really set things up for Hey, I actually need you to take over the night shift so I can get a full night of sleep and I can feel rested. Or, Hey, can you take over bath time so I can go read a book and it can look different, right? But I think making that request and asking each other, how can I help you today could be pretty, pretty life changing,

Kaile Hunt 22:13
most definitely. And I love also, like, I don't know, tell me if I'm wrong, but I continue to check up on my husband, I'll be like, Hey, how you doing? How are you feeling, emotionally, physically, spiritually, you know? And he's like, Yeah, I'm good. And I'm like, No, really. Like, tell me something's him, you know. Like, is everything fine? Because my husband is such a simple man, and that's why I love him. But communication sometimes is difficult, right? And so I really try to, you know what? I'm not hounding him all day. This is like, a three minute conversation. But I'm like, No, really. Like, how is he checking in? Yeah, exactly. I just want to make sure that, you know, I'm not just saying it, just to say it like, I really mean it, like, hey, is there anything I can do? You know what I mean? Or, and then vice versa. If I'm having a really tough day, I'm like, I need a break. Can you please do bath time tonight, which is what you just mentioned, you know. And so that has been a saving grace for me, because he loves laugh time and loves splashing and loves playing, you know, with the ducks in the water. And I'm like, this is a perfect 30 to 40 minute time for me to do something, whether it is to read or watch my show, that's not appropriate for a toddler, you know. So I love that, yay. Well, we have another section coming up, but first we'll take another break.

Welcome back to newbies. We are continuing our conversation about finding me time, and so this has been so much fun. I have loved having you on the show. I want to get a chance for our listeners to find out more about where they can find you and where they can work with you. So please tell us, where can we find you, sure

Gayane Aramyan 23:46
so you can find me on my website, therapy with guyana.com as well as my Instagram. Therapy with Guyana. If you want therapy services, you know it does have to be in California, virtually or in person around the Sherman Oaks area, Los Angeles area. But I also offer coaching services, and that would be more geared towards kind of motivation and skill based learning, and that would be really helpful for even if you're preparing for a postpartum usually, I have, like, postpartum prep seminars, but I can do that on one on one calls as well. And I just really get, you know, expecting parents to prepare for this transition and to talk about all the things and to teach them skills. And that can also happen in the postpartum phase as well. I

Kaile Hunt 24:38
love that, and I guess that we love having therapists on our show so and I always ask the same questions, because every therapist is different, because you guys work in different practices and work with different people. How would you suggest for a mom listening to this who's like, Hmm, I love everything that they're saying. However, I also would like to speak to a therapist, right? Maybe they're dealing with postpartum depression, anxiety. Or maybe they're just really burnt out and they just need to talk to someone who's not their husband. And so how would you suggest someone find a therapist that might be good, like might be a good fit for them? What are some key points that you would recommend to someone who's looking to find a new therapist or just pick up therapy for the first time ever? Sure.

Gayane Aramyan 25:18
So you know, I think that the relationship you form with your therapist is actually and this is not just me saying it. It's, you know, has been researched that the best predictor of therapy being successful is the relationship you have with your therapist. So it's kind of like dating, you know, you have to pick the right match and you have to be a good fit for each other. So most therapists offer free consultation calls, and I think that's a great way to get to know the therapist, ask them any questions you might have, and see if they are, if they have the experience and the knowledge and the right training to work with the issues that you're presenting. You know, if maybe there are certain things that they are not comfortable with working with, they will refer you to someone who might be a better fit. But I think having that kind of call and being able to ask the questions you have could be very helpful, and know that it's totally okay to have a session or two, and if you feel like you're not connecting to try someone else, that's absolutely okay. And we prefer that, because, again, that therapeutic relationship is really, really important. And you can search for therapists, of course, on Google, there's a directory also called Psychology Today for postpartum, there's a specific postpartum directory on postpartum.net that's also a great resource. And of course, nowadays, therapists are on Instagram and Tiktok as well.

Kaile Hunt 26:51
Oh, I love that, yay. Well, this is the end of our episode. So last question, I always like to leave something very positive, so I guess, what's your last tips for any moms who are listening through this and feeling motivated and they're like, I'm gonna carve out me time this week or weekend when the episode releases on Thursday. So what are your last minute positive tips for any new moms who are feeling inspired right, like who under one is a tough time and kids are very demanding in the best way they need to be, right? They're under one What are your positive tips for them? As far as it definitely gets better,

Gayane Aramyan 27:27
yeah, positive tips that you can take throughout any stage of parenthood is that each tab, each difficult phase, is temporary and it will pass. I think that's really, really helpful to hear and to truly believe that, okay, well, this is really difficult right now, but it will pass, and that you know you can focus on maybe moving your body right now. Maybe that's not the season that you're in, and maybe once you know your baby starts school, and this is actually what happened for me. I waited to start going to the gym and doing Pilates until my son started school. And so I kept saying, it's not the season right now. I'll focus on doing other things that I can, and then whenever I can, I'll go to the gym, and it'll happen when it's supposed to so being easy, having grace. You know, if you can't go to the gym, maybe you take a walk, you journal, you read, just do whatever it is that fills your cup. I

Kaile Hunt 28:26
love that. I also love that. Thank you for saying that. Because I'm the same. I have never been a big gym girly. I do love yoga and I love Pilates, but that requires you going to a class, right? And I just don't have the bandwidth to get in the car and drive to a class. I do do walks, but that's exactly what I'm waiting for. Is like when my daughter starts pre k, that is when I'm gonna start doing classes again. Yes, I love that, yay. Well, thank you so much for joining me. This has been a great episode, and I'm so excited to get this out. Yay. Thank you so much for having me. Yay. And be sure to check out new mommy media.com where we have all our podcast episodes, plus videos and more.

That wraps up our show for today. Thanks for listening. If you love newbies as much as we do, please consider checking out the other amazing businesses that sponsor our show week after week. And we'd also love for you to tell another new mommy about this resource, which, of course, is absolutely free. And if you want to check out some of our other podcasts we produce, such as preg pals, parent savers, the boogroup and twin talks, then visit our website at New mommy media.com don't forget to follow us on Instagram for more information, giveaways and more. Our handle is at New Mommy Media. Thanks for listening to movies.

Disclaimer 29:51
This has been a New Mommy Media production. The information and material contained in this episode are presented for education. Personal purposes only. Statements and opinions expressed in this episode are not necessarily those of New Mommy Media and should not be considered facts. While such information and materials are believed to be accurate, it is not intended to replace or substitute for professional medical advice or care and should be used for diagnosing or treating healthcare problems or disease or prescribing any medication. If you have questions or concerns regarding your physical or mental health or the health of your baby, please seek assistance from a qualified healthcare provider you.