Parent Savers
Feeding Your Child: Eating in Public

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Please be advised, this transcription was performed from a company independent of New Mommy Media, LLC. As such, translation was required which may alter the accuracy of the transcription.
[Theme Music]

SUSIE WALTON: Feeding our children; not only do we have to worry about what they eat but it is also our responsibility as parents and as members of a larger society to make certain that we focus some time and energy on how they eat and equally as important is how they conduct themselves around other people that are eating. I am Susie Walton and today on Parent Savers we’re talking about “Feeding Your Child: Eating in the Public”.

[Theme Music/Intro]

ERIN ESTEVES: Welcome to Parent Savers, broadcasting from the birth education center of San Diego. Parent Savers is your weekly online on the go support group for parents from conception through kindergarten. I’m your host Erin Esteves aka OG Mamasita. Thanks to all of our loyal listeners who join us week in and week out and thanks also to those who are listening for the first time.

As you may or may not know you can join our Parent Savers club and receive access to special bonus content after each new show plus special giveaways and discounts from time to time and if you haven’t already please make sure to download the free Parent Savers app available in the Android and iTunes market place for Windows phone so you can automatically have access to all of the great parenting advice and conversation we have on Parent Savers every week. Let’s start this conversation by meeting everybody who’s joining us today.

SUSIE WALTON: Susie Walton owner of Indigo Village and founder of Joy Parenting Course.

ERIN ESTEVES: Woohoo! Children, grandchildren, what did you get?

SUSIE WALTON: I have four sons that are really old and I have four amazing grandchildren under the age of three and I have another one coming in three weeks and another one coming in January.

ERIN ESTEVES: Woah!

SUSIE WALTON: I know. I’m telling you being a grandparent it’s a whole different program. It’s such an honour to see your lineage. I’m so blessed.

ERIN ESTEVES: So overwhelmed I’m sure.

SUSIE WALTON: It’s beautiful.

ERIN ESTEVES: Yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: Yeah.

EBEY SORENSON: And I’m Ebey Sorenson one of your panelists. I am 26 years old. I am a stay at home mom and I also have a nutrition business. I have one boy who is six months old and formerly I work with children with autism who are ages 3 to 12.

ERIN ESTEVES: Wow! You’re good for this topic. That’s for sure.

EBEY SORENSON: Lots of eating in public scenarios I worked with.

COLINA CAROTHERS: Alright I’m Colina. I’m the producer for Parent Savers now and I am 25. Oh my gosh 26 I just had a birthday oh! 26 years old and I have a 14 month old son which you know we definitely go out a lot so we have quite a lot of experience with eating out with him so it will be fun.

ERIN ESTEVES: Very nice. And I as I said I’m Erin Esteves, OG Mamasita and OG stands for officially geriatric because I had my first and only son at the age of 41. So he will be 3 this fall and yeah not so good with the eating out in public thing so he has his moments that’s for sure so I’m really pleased with this topic.

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ERIN ESTEVES: So occasionally on Parent Savers we like to talk about these like really interesting headlines that make their way to viral status and I found one in odd news on Yahoo and it says “Mother says Sonic serve her family a bag of marijuana with their meal”. Yeah the story goes that this mom in Maryland goes to the drive thru at Sonic. She’s got her kids in the back sit. They order all these meals.

She hands the kids their meals and then reaches in to grab hers and she comes across a small baggy of marijuana. Rightly so momma freaks out. You know later on came to light that one of the Sonic employees confess to it having been in her pocket. She does not certain how it ended up in the fast food in the bag…

SUSIE WALTON: My gosh.

COLINA CAROTHERS: Oh my gosh.

ERIN ESTEVES: For the parent but in any case no one ate the marijuana and the employee was later fired by Sonic. I’m just wandering what are you ladies think about that? How would you react and what do you think should have been done if anything other than firing to the employee?

SUSIE WALTON: I mean I think that’s it regardless of how I mean obviously it was an accident you know I’m sure the woman who worked with Sonic is really upset that her bag is gone. The mom so I’m like is this like what they give to kids to help them for their naps or something. I mean obviously I think I would have been like what? Really? Like I think Sonic do what they had to do and that was it but I just can’t even imagine I mean…

ERIN ESTEVES: Yeah she the mom was later, really upset because when she posted it happening it had happened on her Facebook page people where really flipping about it and she’s like look what if my kid had eaten it? What if it wasn’t marijuana? What if it was crack? What if it was cocaine?

SUSIE WALTON: Oh yeah but that’s a whole what if what if what if?

ERIN ESTEVES: Exactly.

SUSIE WALTON: What if this guy falls down you know?

ERIN ESTEVES: Exactly.

SUSIE WALTON: What if what if so it wasn’t if and she needs to chill a little bit. She did make the news. She had to go viral as big time these days.

COLINA CAROTHERS: It’s true.

ERIN ESTEVES: Really.

EBEY SORENSON: I think you should . . .

SUSIE WALTON: I’m a little older than the rest of you so I find it maybe more a little entertaining than . . .

ERIN ESTEVES: Well I think in this day and age considering the proliferation of more open mindedness towards marijuana, it’s not as shocking as it would have been even just 10 years ago.

SUSIE WALTON: Right.

ERIN ESTEVES: But still…

SUSIE WALTON: It’s crazy!

ERIN ESTEVES: I mean I’ve seen a dog react when it’s eaten marijuana accidentally and that’s scary just to dog so you know again playing the what if game thankfully nobody ate the pot.

SUSIE WALTON: Parents make sure you look at the bag of food next time you drive through a drive… And by the way why are you taking your little kids to Sonic drive thru anyways. Let’s get to like really what are you feeding them in the first place. This is about food and kids today.

ERIN ESTEVES: That’s true. But you know what it gives happy meal a whole new connotation.

SUSIE WALTON: That’s good OG Mama.

ERIN ESTEVES: Thank you.

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ERIN ESTEVES: Today we are talking with Susie Walton about ‘Feeding Our Children: Eating in the Public’ so scary. Susie is a pioneer in parent education and has been leading seminars and writing books for the last 21 years and lastly your book is called “The Key to Personal Freedom: How Myths Affects Our Family Lives”. So great to have you thank you so much.

SUSIE WALTON: Thank you. It’s so good to be here again. I love you girls. I think you guys are doing amazing work here.

ERIN ESTEVES: Yey! Well we love hearing that so. And we have Ebey as a guest with us today also. She has plenty of experience working with tons of kids and eating out environments so I’m looking forward to this conversation. So we’re going to start off with some of our first tips and we put this out to Facebook and we had a ton of different responses. So Colina is going to jump in every once in a while to add that sound bite. So the first tip we’re talking about is choosing the right establishment and I have in here that you have to do recon. So we’re looking for establishments that are what exactly?

SUSIE WALTON: Kid friendly absolutely. You know I think it’s really important that it’s kid friendly. I think it’s really important for kids in general because they’re so sensitive to their environment that wherever we take them it should be a smaller establishment. It shouldn’t be where there’s a lot of chaos, and a lot of noise, because kids can actually feed off on other people’s energy so to speak and you know they may walk in all calm and all of a sudden they’re like jumping up well it could be because of just of the masses.

ERIN ESTEVES: Input.

SUSIE WALTON: Yeah so the more low key I think the easier it is for a child to be actually in an environment like that.

ERIN ESTEVES: And right now we are talking about kids from like toddler-dom to preschool-ish. Yeah yeah. So what if you are in an environment that you really don’t have much option? What is your suggestion for keeping the kid calm in the first five minutes?

SUSIE WALTON: Well I think I have mentioned with you the other day the best option is leave your kids at home. Have a date night or you know sometimes it’s okay to go without them but right now we’re talking about if you have no option right and your kids are with you. I think it’s always important to prepare the child ahead of time be like be the responsive parent not the reactive parent and let them know ahead of time we are going to go into this restaurant.

You know this is the kind of food they have so you know there will be a lot of people or whatever it’s like just give them a heads up we so often think that kids automatically just know what to expect and some kids can’t fly by the seat of their parents but some kids want to know exactly what it’s like even if we’re going to a restaurant like this is a lot like this other restaurant we always go to just to help them feel more comfortable in their environment. I think that’s a big piece.

ERIN ESTEVES: Yeah I think that is so well said and when I say do recon my husband and I kind of have this tag team thing going that if we’re approaching a restaurant that we are unfamiliar with because the situation kind of forces us to eat somewhere new, one of us will run in, check out the environment to see what it looks like, take a pic at the menu, ask the servers, what’s the wait like, that sort of thing before we even attempt to go in. if it doesn’t look like it’s going to be good, we just get a to go.

SUSIE WALTON: Yeah I mean that’s another option too is that to go business part but I love that I mean bringing the menu out to the car...

ERIN ESTEVES: Exactly.

SUSIE WALTON: And say hey guys this is what they have to offer. What do you want to so we can go right in and order it?

ERIN ESTEVES: Yes.

SUSIE WALTON: So I think that’s brilliant on your part.

ERIN ESTEVES: Strategery.

SUSIE WALTON: Yes.

EBEY SORENSON: Strategery.

ERIN ESTEVES: Okay so then that takes us to the next tip which is to be realistic and that goes right there with that recon. So you go in, you see what the environment is like, you prepare your children, what can we really expect. And for example you that have this experience with the autistic children, how do you gauge realistically what you can expect?

EBEY SORENSON: I think the best thing to do is to notice what they’re able to do on their home. That’s going to give you best case scenario. If your child isn’t able to sit for five minutes at your home in the table they are not going to do it on a restaurant and so if you’re able to gauge if the level of the environment whether it’s too loud, too noisy, too busy, too hot, too cold, too dim, you can notice if your kid is going to be comfortable in there or not based on what you know them to do at home. So I think that’s a really good way to gauge what your child is capable of and they can surprise you. You can practice fine dining at home and it’s totally doable outside of the home if they’re able to do it in the home.

ERIN ESTEVES: That’s a perfect Segway because one of the things that we do is we practice restaurant eating. It’s a great game to play with kids. I know there’s this one park in particular every time we go there we play like concession stand or restaurant you know and we get to order food and that sort of thing so I think that’s an excellent…

SUSIE WALTON: I’m one of ten kids and my parents used to say okay let’s pretend Fr. Nev and the pastor in our church is coming to dinner so you had to all behave and we’re always like Fr. Nev is never going to have dinner with us but that was my parents way of getting us to kind of sit still ten of us for like 20 minutes like pretend Fr. Nev is here.

ERIN ESTEVES: Fr. Nev is going to be here.

SUSIE WALTON: Fr. Nev you know what Fr. Never. But I love the idea of knowing like if they can do a five minute and then maybe even bring like one of those what do you call those...

ERIN ESTEVES: Oh the little the sand dial.

SUSIE WALTON: Yeah you know like an eight or ten minute one...

ERIN ESTEVES: Yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: And tell them you know we’re just going to flip it over and let’s sit that long and then if anybody needs a break one of the parents can take one of the kids out. You know and that’s another thing too is to let the kids know if it gets too much for you, you’re not in trouble. It’s probably because of just how much is going on in there so we are going to take you outside and just get you settled a little bit but you have to I think it’s so important to let your kids know you’re not in trouble. It’s not about punishing you. We just want you to get outside and get calm again. Get back kind of into your body and we’ll take you back into the restaurant when you’re ready. You know I think…

ERIN ESTEVES: That’s great yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: Another thing too is ordering food and then having one of the parents take the kids out. We did that the other night Friedails with some of the parents who had young kids and let the kids play outside for a bit.

The beautiful things to having cellphones now you text dinner is here, kids come back in, they sit down and the food is there and they haven’t had a sit for 20 minutes…

ERIN ESTEVES: Right.

SUSIE WALTON: Waiting for especially when it’s a crowded place such as Friedails or something like that.

ERIN ESTEVES: And that brings us into the next point which is…

COLINA CAROTHERS: A lot of comments on this one. So bringing supplies, a lot of response about bringing supplies so on our Facebook page we have Katherine who says she comes fully stocked with the diaper bag with some extra clothes, hygiene toys, teething biscuits, baby food, spoon bib reusable table mat I mean everything you can think of. And she said hasn’t had a problem yet daughter is very happy baby so maybe that contributes.

Next one Heidi says she normally brings items that her 11 month old can feed himself so supplies, food, snack items and so while they’re waiting baby can eat something. Stay calm, something that worked for them. And then again Loren we bring food for my 16 month old to feed himself. They bring colouring kits, small toys, so I think a lot of this is keeping your kids occupied and also making sure they have something to snack on so they’re not just sitting there…

SUSIE WALTON: Yeah.

COLINA CAROTHERS: We’re here to eat but where is the food?

SUSIE WALTON: But there’s no food.

COLINA CAROTHERS: They don’t have that concept yet of we have to wait for it to be made and brought to us. So…

ERIN ESTEVES: Right and that’s really you know supplies if you have the opportunity to create busy bags or to have like a little bag of toys that you keep in your car. I know we do that. We have the toys that could stay in the car so they’re special you know. So he doesn’t get to play with them that often. So it kind of holds his attention a bit longer you know so you definitely want to consider bringing supplies.

SUSIE WALTON: And sometimes you can’t so always know majority of the restaurants always have paper mats…

ERIN ESTEVES: Right.

SUSIE WALTON: You flip them over they’re usually white, have a couple of crayons if you can or a pen…

ERIN ESTEVES: Right.

SUSIE WALTON: Like that’s always the last resort if you don’t have the time and you know the whole thing about the snacks like yesterday I took my granddaughter who’s 3 to Pandora’s, a pizza place Leucadia But she has some food ahead of time because she was eating anyways but that way when she had to wait 15 minutes for the pizza to come, it wasn’t even a problem because she wasn’t that hungry. That’s the thing sometimes we take our kids into the restaurant starving and then we expect them to wait and then they either going to load up on chips or bread or…

ERIN ESTEVES: Right.

SUSIE WALTON: You know which is not healthy in the first place. So…

ERIN ESTEVES: And I think that falls back to the recon or the be prepared part you know because you don’t want to take a toddler or a pre-schooler into a crowded restaurant that’s tired, that’s hungry, that’s having a tough time you know it’s really it’s going to have a bad effect on them. They’re going to have a bad memory of that and so as the person sitting next to you.

SUSIE WALTON: Then also parents if your kid is getting all feisty like that and they’re you know check out yourself. Often times they’re mirroring how we’re feeling and often times we’re getting into a restaurant hungry and tired at the end of the day stressed out…

ERIN ESTEVES: Right.

SUSIE WALTON: And that then our kids are just feeding off of that. So make sure as parents that we’re settled and that you know that we’re not in that frenzy because I guarantee it the beauty and not the beauty of a child is that they reflect us constantly.

ERIN ESTEVES: Right.

SUSIE WALTON: So if we’re hungry and tired, they’re going to be acting the same.

COLINA CAROTHERS: I was going to say I get hangry.

ERIN ESTEVES: Hangry.

COLINA CAROTHERS: I get hangry.

SUSIE WALTON: I like that.

COLINA CAROTHERS: When I get hungry I am an angry person. I am not nice. My husband knows if I get cranky are you hungry? Have you eaten? It’s the first thing he ask me so I’m not going to expect my toddler to be able to control themselves when they’re hungry if I can’t.

SUSIE WALTON: Right.

EBEY SORENSON: Something I wanted to point out maybe an elephant in the room I’m sure a lot of parents are thinking oh isn’t the iPad or the cellphone a great option? And we see that…

ERIN ESTEVES: Right.

EBEY SORENSON: Every restaurant you go out to the kid is like glued to something…

ERIN ESTEVES: A tablet.

EBEY SORENSON: And that’s like very last resort like Armageddon is happening.

SUSIE WALTON: Very last resort. I so agree with you on that one.

EBEY SORENSON: I think that’s good to point out.

ERIN ESTEVES: Well I have read so many articles on this in particular because there are a lot of people who compare it to colouring. There are a lot of people who just say it’s the modern version of the colouring book in the sense that it is pulling your child’s attention away from everybody else and is teaching your child a separation. Now…

SUSIE WALTON: Oh.

ERIN ESTEVES: Some people are exactly…

SUSIE WALTON: Oh oh help me.

ERIN ESTEVES: It’s teaching them that separation as oppose to socialization.

SUSIE WALTON: Remember I’m a child of 60s.

ERIN ESTEVES: So I see the dilemma in it having a kid of my own but I also see the controversy and I think it’s one of those things that has to be moderated.

SUSIE WALTON: I think I mean iPads like I mean kids can draw with it.

ERIN ESTEVES: Yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: I’m talking about sitting in front of a cartoon…

ERIN ESTEVES: Oh right.

SUSIE WALTON: Screen time watching a show while dinner is going on because the message we’re giving it’s okay to sit in front of the TV and eat.

ERIN ESTEVES: Yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: And they can’t. It’s just not a good thing to do. I mean if they’re putting things together, creating cupcakes, whatever you do on this iPads for little kids I mean if that’s the last resort

EBEY SORENSON: Creative.

SUSIE WALTON: Yeah, it’s creative but not to put them in front of some TV show or movie while people are having dinner.

ERIN ESTEVES: Right and I’m guilty of that. I’m guilty of that because…

COLINA CAROTHERS: Most parents . . .

SUSIE WALTON: OG mama what?

ERIN ESTEVES: Because our boy just he cannot not only can he not sit still but he can’t he won’t let us eat you know so it’s the only way that I can get 5 minutes to myself to eat something without shoving it down my own belt. So I fully admit and take absolute responsibility for the therapy my child will require in the future.

SUSIE WALTON: He won’t need therapy but the thing is are you limit as long as you’re limiting it I mean to five minutes so just you can get some food in you…

ERIN ESTEVES: Yes.

SUSIE WALTON: That’s I mean really…

ERIN ESTEVES: And really as…

SUSIE WALTON: When push comes to shove our sanity against their wellbeing well their wellbeing is not going to be very well if we are not sane.

ERIN ESTEVES: Sane.

SUSIE WALTON: Exactly.

ERIN ESTEVES: And you know as he’s aging, his ability to sit with us quietly is increasing. So…

SUSIE WALTON: How old is he?

ERIN ESTEVES: He’ll be 3 in October so he’s just over two and a half right now.

SUSIE WALTON: Yeah.

ERIN ESTEVES: So it’s definitely improving and whereas before he couldn’t be next to me without being on me. Now he’s enjoying some of his own personal space which is really good.

SUSIE WALTON: Okay a little bit of time mama.

ERIN ESTEVES: Yes baby steps.

SUSIE WALTON: Baby steps, baby steps.

ERIN ESTEVES: Baby steps for him baby steps for me.

SUSIE WALTON: Baby steps for you.

[Theme Music]

ERIN ESTEVES: Welcome back, today we’re talking about eating out with your kids and we’re going to be talking about ordering for your kids. When to do it and this is really a decisive point. There are essentially two camps. There’s the camp were you sit down you order for the kid and you have the food brought out for the kid as soon as possible regardless of the parents or the rest of the family when they get their meal and then there’s the other camp side that says no everybody eats together. Ladies, what are your thoughts?

SUSIE WALTON: Well I again think it’s such an individual decision to make. I see no problem ordering and having the kid’s food come up first and if you want them to wait then let them wait but then make sure that have something for them to do. Don’t expect them to wait with their hands folded at the table…

ERIN ESTEVES: Wow yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: You know not moving like make sure order the whole thing and then send have someone take the kids out somewhere…

ERIN ESTEVES: Perfect.

SUSIE WALTON: Or make sure you have stuff for them to do but don’t expect don’t put the expectations like you said you know to a level that they’re just not going to match it because again there are kids who can sit…

ERIN ESTEVES: Sure.

SUSIE WALTON: And God bless them and you know I wish I had one of them. I might have one out of four. And then there’s kids that…

ERIN ESTEVES: Or you can’t remember because they’re sitting somewhere quietly.

SUSIE WALTON: Yeah and then we forgot them. No we didn’t.

ERIN ESTEVES: Exactly.

SUSIE WALTON: For then there are the other ones you know they just can’t sit.

ERIN ESTEVES: Right.

SUSIE WALTON: And yes they need to learn eventually but common as I keep saying like back in the date no one went out to dinner all the time.

ERIN ESTEVES: Sure.

SUSIE WALTON: It just wasn’t the thing because there wasn’t all these fast food options so to speak. We ate at home and that’s why I kid but I’m not kidding more often than not you guys go out to dinner without them if you’re going to go out to dinner.

ERIN ESTEVES: Right.

SUSIE WALTON: And have a date night I mean…

ERIN ESTEVES: Right.

SUSIE WALTON: They’ll be okay with the baby sitter somewhere so but in general I think it’s a very personal decision. I don’t think there is a right or wrong on this.

COLINA CAROTHERS: Yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: How about you?

EBEY SORENSON: I think that whatever you feel comfortable as a parent and whatever your intent is for the meal. If you’re trying to get food in your bodies, your starving, you’re hungry, get the kid’s food first.

ERIN ESTEVES: Excellent point.

EBEY SORENSON: If you’re trying to enjoy this like leisurely experience maybe…

ERIN ESTEVES: Good luck.

EBEY SORENSON: Yeah good luck but maybe considering getting food all at once just know that your food maybe cold when you need it because you’re helping your kid eat first so…

ERIN ESTEVES: Good point. Good point.

EBEY SORENSON: You want hot food then definitely get the kid’s food first.

ERIN ESTEVES: Well Rachel Rainbolt on Facebook she made a really good point and her point was that if you get food for the child first, by the time the parents get the food the kids done and he’s in flight mode.

SUSIE WALTON: Right.

ERIN ESTEVES: You know he’s like okay let’s get the flock out of here. Let’s go let’s go you know and so then that does not allow the parents the opportunity to eat.

SUSIE WALTON: Yeah but then then you can bring out the colour crayons or the…

ERIN ESTEVES: Right.

SUSIE WALTON: Books or whatever they have at least now they have a full stomach…

ERIN ESTEVES: And they’re calm.

SUSIE WALTON: So they can settle a little bit.

ERIN ESTEVES: Good point.

SUSIE WALTON: Yeah.

ERIN ESTEVES: Excellent.

SUSIE WALTON: And again as we talked about earlier, prepare them. This is what you can expect. Role plays it. Let’s get out the teddy bears at home and start roleplaying the restaurant business…

ERIN ESTEVES: So cute.

SUSIE WALTON: And what is it look junior teddies at the restaurant…

ERIN ESTEVES: Yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: With mom and dad what does that look like so when you’re in the restaurant you can say now remember what junior teddy does.

ERIN ESTEVES: Yes.

SUSIE WALTON: And that’s really a lot easier for a child to remember what junior teddy did than to remember what we talk about 3 days ago. Right so stuffed animals and using junior teddy to represent the child it’s always a really good one.

ERIN ESTEVES: Good! So that brings us to respect others and when I say respect others I mean other diners and for the love of Pete the wait staff you know. You have to be considerate that their like we said in the intro that there are other people trying to enjoy their meals. You have to be prepared to leave like you had mentioned earlier Susie have some tag team it.

Have one of the parents take the kid out while you’re waiting or something like that or if it just doesn’t working get the food to go and leave. And the second one I have is to tidy up and tip. This is a personal pet peeve of mine having worked in food service. It always astonished me at how people would just leave in absolute disaster. Like they made no attempt in the slightest to tidy up after their kids and it was just it was a disaster. So I’m preaching positively to the choir and it looks like Colina has a comment from Facebook or something?

COLINA CAROTHERS: Yes. So Mary Jane Fisher asks should we clean up the floor after done eating. You know because food ends up there. I was a server for years before baby so I can’t help to tidy up the table but what about the floor.

SUSIE WALTON: Well base if she was a server I wonder what does she think?

COLINA CAROTHERS: That’s true.

SUSIE WALTON: Now she’s a mom but she was a server so how does that change?

COLINA CAROTHERS: Yeah how does it balance out?

SUSIE WALTON: About the floor business I mean go ahead.

COLINA CAROTHERS: And I was going to say I know with us if we were somewhere that’s carpeted and I know it’s going to be a pain in the butt to get that stuff off the floor because I was a server at one point too and you know you get those little push vacuums…

ERIN ESTEVES: Oh yeah.

COLINA CAROTHERS: They don’t pick up anything.

ERIN ESTEVES: So 1894.

COLINA CAROTHERS: Yeah oh yeah. So when if it’s carpet we do our best to pick it up. If it’s tile or wood floor or something that I know they’re going to come with broom and it’s going to be gone I mean we’ll make sure it’s not terrible but I don’t worry about it as much because it’s not going to be such a pain.

ERIN ESTEVES: I say the bigger the mess the bigger the tip.

COLINA CAROTHERS: Yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: 125% agree.

ERIN ESTEVES: Yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: And I also think you know like that dinner at night with bunch of little kids like afterwards parents started stacking plates together you know I think it’s a beautiful model…

COLINA CAROTHERS: Oh yeah. Yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: Like 95% of what our kids learn is what we model.

COLINA CAROTHERS: Right.

SUSIE WALTON: So if we’re making a mess I mean I had the same thing when I go to a basketball game like I don’t get why people on movie theatre why does everyone leave popcorn things and coke things I mean…

COLINA CAROTHERS: In their chairs yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: Pick them up and take them outside with you and then if you have kids it’s such a beautiful thing to model to them about taking responsibility for what you’ve created so to speak. So we’re actually missing out on opportunity when we leave that table a mess and then when we’re at home when we are telling our kids they have to clean the table doesn’t even compute.

ERIN ESTEVES: Right.

SUSIE WALTON: Why not at the restaurant and why are we doing that here so…

ERIN ESTEVES: Yeah if I don’t have someone do it for me at home why should I expect someone to do it out?

SUSIE WALTON: But just to teach them to be you know respectful…

ERIN ESTEVES: Yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: And yeah.

ERIN ESTEVES: Yeah I always try and clean up the floor even.

SUSIE WALTON: Well then it’s modelling.

ERIN ESTEVES: Yeah.

EBEY SORENSON: And a great suggestion for tipping is give your child the money to give to the waiter. So that they can say thank you in their own way and if you did leave a mess it will put a smile on their face at least.

ERIN ESTEVES: Oh brilliant I love that idea.

COLINA CAROTHERS: It’s really cute.

EBEY SORENSON: And it’s teaching them like hey we’re thankful for the service that you’re doing for us. This isn’t just we get served.

ERIN ESTEVES: That’s great because my boy is now at that stage. My friend calls it the ‘go for’ stage where he’ll go for things and he’s just so anxious to help so oh I love that idea. Thank you! Thank you!

And then the last and final one is persevere even if things go straight to [inaudible] basket like within the first five minutes or if you manage to get all the way through the first course and then have to leave, don’t worry it will get better. Like Susie said you’re modelling. You’re creating a habit. You’re creating a memory almost I say it’s almost like muscle memory you know like you learn how to behave around others.

SUSIE WALTON: It was actually teaching self-management skills. I think ultimately our job as parents is just to give our kids those skills so when they go off on their own they know how to self-manage. So even in a restaurant it’s an opportunity to teach self-management skills to our kids and whether they make it to five minutes or the whole hour it’s like you’re saying it’s strengthening that muscle so that they can go back again and you challenge them. Hey Ebey you want to try to go back to that restaurant again and see how long he’ll going to sit and do what we practice I know and challenging this little toddlers you can do it…

EBEY SORENSON: Yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: Let’s go to the restaurant and see how we do today. If it works great, if not you know we’ll take a take out and go home again because I’m not okay having chaos at the table. I am okay sitting here but if we leave and you’re not in trouble. Once again I want to give you the practice to know how to manage yourself in all aspects of lives so it actually the beautiful opportunity to teach self-management.

EBEY SORENSON: With that that you just said, you just kind of like gave me the soothing blanket that just kind of fell over me because I’m like oh my gosh I can totally do this.

ERIN ESTEVES: That is doable with my little one especially since I have so much time to kill during the day with just he and I so…

SUSIE WALTON: Practice with them.

ERIN ESTEVES: Yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: You’re not you know don’t go there the first time with 30 relatives…

ERIN ESTEVES: Right.

SUSIE WALTON: And they’re all watching you. Go by yourself just like going to a store, practice what a child needs to be doing at the store when you’re not cooking for 30 people that night like…

ERIN ESTEVES: Right.

SUSIE WALTON: Go in there as a trainee part and see how they do.

ERIN ESTEVES: Oh good. Well these are great tips. Is there anything anybody wants to throw in before we close up?

EBEY SORENSON: Give yourself grace and patience. This is for parents too it’s not just for kids.

ERIN ESTEVES: Good point.

SUSIE WALTON: And be okay leaving them at home.

ERIN ESTEVES: Yeah.

SUSIE WALTON: And going out by yourself thank goodness we didn’t have all these ideas we I had four boys. I use to leave them home with bronchi and pneumonia sometimes just to get out for a dinner date you know and people say how can I leave my kids because they cry so hard they’d missed me I’m like think of that crying as an [inaudible 00:29:05] chili long and their just bellowing their love for you and they can’t wait for your return and go. You’ll be okay mama as I promise you so will your kids.

EBEY SORENSON: I love it.

ERIN ESTEVES: Well with that I say thank you so much for joining us and this conversation will continue for members of our Parent Savers club. After the show Susie Walton will tell us more about how to comfortably eat out with our children. For information about Parent Savers club visit our website at www.newmommymedia.com

[Theme Music]

TONI DILORENZO: Hello Parent Savers this is Toni Dilorenzo, co-founder of one extra ordinary marriage where we educate, entertain, encourage and inspire you to have mind blowing intimacy in your marriage.

Today we’re going to talk about date ideas you can do with your spouse. You finally have scheduled time on your calendars and the two of you are ready to enjoy some alone time. The only problem as soon as you sit your butts on the sits of the car, you don’t know where you’re going to go.

You may have a conversation that goes something like this: What do you want to do? I don’t know what do you want to do? Whatever you want is fine with me, pick something. Well I want to do what you want. At this point you both are starting to get a bit frustrated and you haven’t even left the driveway. You’ve wasted valuable time instead of having something fun and enjoyable already picked out.

Next time don’t let this happen to you. Pick something and go with it. Surprise yourself with something new, fun and enjoyable. Your spouse will be glad that you’ve taken the lead. Pack a picnic or grab a picnic to go. Know what part beach or location you want to go. Progressive dinner drive, pick three places, appetizer, dinner and then dessert to enjoy over the course of the evening.

On a note write the address to each place, hike during a full moon to a favourite summit, along the beach or a park. Find a local cooking class to learn how to prepare a new meal and enjoy what you’ve made. Tired of the same place to eat? Find the restaurant that starts with A then the next time B, C, etc. You’ll need to get creative towards the end of the alphabet. Dates are important to have in your marriage. This is something that both of you need to set aside time to do together.

Put down your phones, look each other in the eyes and have fun as you try new restaurant, activities and conversation that can lead to more afterwards. Create memories that you’ll remember for years to come. Make sure to check out our bestselling book “7 Days of Sex Challenge” at www.oneextraordinarymarriage.com/7days . Enter promo code Parent Savers at check out and save 20% off of your entire order. Thank you for listening to the sex talk and be sure to listen to Parent Savers for more great parenting tips in the future.

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ERIN ESTEVES: That wraps up our show for today. We appreciate you listening to Parent Savers.
Don’t forget to check out our sister shows:
• Preggie Pals for expecting parents
• The Boob Group for moms who breastfeed and
• Twin Talks for parents of multiple kids.

This is Parent Savers empowering new parents.

[Disclaimer]
This has been a New Mommy Media production. Information and material contained in this episode are presented for educational purposes only. Statements and opinions expressed in this episode are not necessarily those of New Mommy Media and should not be considered facts. Though information in which areas are related to be accurate, it is not intended to replace or substitute for professional, Medical or advisor care and should not be used for diagnosing or treating health care problem or disease or prescribing any medications. If you have questions or concerns regarding your physical or mental health or the health of your baby, please seek assistance from a qualified health care provider.

SUNNY GAULT: New Mommy Media is expanding our line up of shows for new and expecting parents. If you have an idea for a new series or if you’re a business or organization interested in joining our network of shows through a co-branded podcast, visit www.NewMommyMedia.com .

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