Preggie Pals
Dealing with Gender Disappointment

Please be advised, this transcription was performed from a company independent of New Mommy Media, LLC. As such, translation was required which may alter the accuracy of the transcription.

[00:00:00]

[Theme Music]

Rachel Rainbolt: It’s one of the questions you immediately wonder from the moment you find out you’re pregnant: is it a boy or a girl? And sometimes that sense of anticipation is met with disappointment if it’s not the gender you were hoping for. How should you handle these emotions? Should you have more children and try and get the gender you wanted? I’m Rachel Rainbolt, author of the Sage Parenting book and this is Preggie Pals episode 44.

[Theme Music/Intro]

Sunny Gault: Welcome to Preggie Pals, broadcasting from the Birth Education Center of San Diego. I’m your host, Sunny Gault. Have you downloaded our amazing Preggie Pals app? This is a great way to listen to our shows on the go and they are available in both the Amazon and iTunes marketplace. Or did you miss an older episode of Preggie Pals? Then you can join our Preggie Pals Club. You’ll get access to all of our archived episodes, transcripts and special bonus content after each show. Our club members even get a one year free subscription to Pregnancy Magazine. You can visit our website for more information and to sign up. So let’s introduce all of our panelists here in the studio. You guys know me. I’m Sunny, I have two little boys at home. My oldest is about two and a half and my youngest is nine months.

Chelle Roman: And I am Chelle. I have two little boys at home too. My oldest is also two and a half and my youngest is one.

Sunny Gault: And we found out actually that our oldest were born on the exact same day.

Chelle Roman: Crazy.

Sunny Gault: What are the odds? Different hospitals, though. It was still in San Diego, but different hospitals. So we understand what’s going on here, right? And Rachel, I know you have three boys…

Rachel Rainbolt: Yes! Rachel Rainbolt, 30. I’m the author of the Parent Sage book and I have three boys who are 7, 4 and one.

Sunny Gault: Ok. And Annie.

Annie Laird: I’m Annie Laird. I’m 34 years old. I have two little girls, one is 7 and one is 7 months today and she’s with us in the studio today.

Sunny Gault: Yey. She’s making some little noises. She’s so precious. And she’s wearing blue today in honor of our gender disappointment. (Laughs)

[Theme Music]

[Featured Segment: 4D Ultrasounds: What Did You See?]

Sunny Gault: All right. Here is a headline that is making rounds around the internet. It’s involving ultrasounds, specifically 4D ultrasounds. And they’ve done some studies about babies’ yawning and then catching this on video in these 4D scans. It says researchers who studied 4D scans of 15 healthy fetuses also said they think yawning is a developmental process which could potentially give doctors a new way to check in on babies’ health. Of course, whenever our babies do anything in 4D we think it’s the cutest thing ever. Of course this video is very popular among mommies online, so I thought I’d kind of open this up to you guys. Since we’re talking about gender disappointment today – a lot of us had that disappointment in an ultrasound setting – so did you guys have an ultrasound? And did you see anything interesting in the ultrasound?

Chelle Roman: Yeah, we did. We had the early one with my oldest, because I was so anxious to find out if it’s a boy or a girl. And then with my second we didn’t have the 4D, because I don’t think I wanted to know. (Laughs) I wanted to keep it at bay. But yes, he made some cute faces in the 4D.

Sunny Gault: Ok. So even at 20 weeks, your normal 20 weeks, you didn’t find out with the second?

Chelle Roman: We did, we found out at 20 weeks. We just did that one for the gender. But yes, the 4D was pretty fun for my oldest. He did some pretty cute faces and that at 16 weeks, it was kind of crazy to see something that tiny doing some fun stuff.

Sunny Gault: Yeah, for sure. So Rachel, what was your experience?

Rachel Rainbolt: Uhm just thinking that they were the cutest babies that ever existed. (Laughs) Even though they were like little alien blobs, but they were the cutest alien blobs I had ever seen.

Sunny Gault: I know, right?

Rachel Rainbolt: Thumb sucking and yawning. It’s so funny how everybody even when they watched the videos or the pictures they tried to extrapolate for personality traits, like: my first had his hands above his head and they were like, “oh, he’s so chill.” (Laughs)

Sunny Gault: It’s so funny. I think it was like a really early ultrasound for me, at 12 weeks or so – and this is with my first born – and they actually got a photo of the baby kind of doing a military salute, which was interesting because my husband has a background of being a marine. And so I just thought it was the cutest thing. I mean obviously, I’m sure there is no concept that he was doing a salute, but it was really nice.

Rachel Rainbolt: He was exceptionally patriotic. (Laughs)

Sunny Gault: Yes he was. All right. Well thanks for sharing your opinions, ladies.

[Theme Music]

Sunny Gault: Today we are talking about a topic that is not talked about a lot, and that’s gender disappointment. This topic actually comes from one of our listeners, this email is from Lana. And Lana writes:

“Hi! I’m pregnant with my third child and while I don’t know for sure yet, I think this will be my third girl. This is disappointing to me in many ways, even though I know it shouldn’t be. I started to explore the idea of gender disappointment and I find it quite fascinating. I am also amazed by how many people have assumed that I only got pregnant to try for a boy and how many assume that once you’ve had two of the same gender, you will only ever have the same gender. I think this would be a great topic to do on the show because there seems to be a lot of people out there with these feelings and many people dismiss them out of hand and it makes them even more harmful. I’m a nice, normal mom with great girls that never thought gender disappointment was even a thing, much less something that would affect me. I think this will make a fascinating topic. All the best, Lana.”

Lana, thank you so much for this email. We think this is a pretty fascinating topic, too. Rachel Rainbolt is our special expert. She offers great parenting advice through her website, ohanawellness. She is also the author of the Sage Parenting book and we are actually going to give away a copy of your book to our listeners. You guys can visit the Giveaways portion of our website to sign up. So welcome to the show, Rachel. Thanks for being here.

Rachel Rainbolt: Thanks for having me.

Sunny Gault: So again, maybe we should put out a kind of disclaimer off the top here. Because – Rachel, I know you talk about this in your book – and that is: of course we want healthy babies! That is the most important thing. I want to put that out there so we don’t feel like every time we say we wanted a boy or we wanted a girl, we have to say “but it’s a healthy baby and I’m really thankful for that.” Right? Because we get it. And I’m really glad we’re talking about this because I feel like it is hush-hush. You feel disappointment. You somehow…”Maybe you shouldn’t be pregnant then”, you know?

Rachel Rainbolt: Yeah, “I’m grateful”. And there’s a lot of shame associated with that. Shame and guilt on top of it doesn’t help. It’s a process, the disappointment that you are feeling.

Sunny Gault: Right. And again, I know you mention this in your book, but tell us a little bit about your personal experience with gender disappointment.

Rachel Rainbolt: I have three boys. (Laughs) End of story. Period. (Laughs) Yeah. My husband and I we kind of... I grew up always assuming I would have a daughter. I was raised with all sisters and my mom and never had really boys around and I had just always assumed that I would have a girl. My husband and I always wanted a daughter. We never even considered the possibility that we would have a boy, I’m not sure why, but… We would just talk about our future daughter and then… boy times three.

Sunny Gault: And then your husband even from the very beginning wanted a girl?

Rachel Rainbolt: Yeah. He was raised with all boys and I was raised with all girls and we both just were in the girl camp and decided that we would have all daughters. And it didn’t work out that way.

Sunny Gault: Yeah, ok. So maybe we should kind of go around the room a little bit and tell about our own experiences. So Chelle, what was your experience?

Chelle Roman: Well I have two boys. With my first I didn’t really care one way or the other, I was perfectly happy if either, I was excited that I was having a boy. And then as soon as I found out I was pregnant with number two, it was girl. Girl, girl, everything was girl. I just assumed it would be a girl because I already had boy, the odds were in my favor.

Sunny Gault: And you know, 51% of the population is women, right?

Chelle Roman: Absolutely. And it felt like… my husband wanted a boy and he got a boy, so it was my turn, you know. I wanted a girl. And it didn’t even enter my mind that I would have another boy. And so I had a boy.

Sunny Gault: Were you upset when you found out that your first was a boy?

Chelle Roman: No, not at all.

Sunny Gault: You weren’t. At all.

Chelle Roman: No, because I wanted one of each. And we still don’t know if we’re done having kids, but you know, I feel like… When I was pregnant with my second I was feeling like this could be my last baby, it could be my last chance to have a girl and “oh my gosh, what am I going to do if it’s a boy?” And I found out it was a boy and it was definitely disappointing for a little while.

Sunny Gault: What did your husband want?

Chelle Roman: Boy. He is perfectly happy with his two boys.

Sunny Gault: Is he like a manly man kind of guy? Because that… my husband is.

Chelle Roman: He is terrified of daughters.

Sunny Gault: Ok. There’s a common denominator.

Chelle Roman: Yes, absolutely. I think he would not have known what to do with a girl.

Sunny Gault: Well I think that’s the case for a lot of us. Which is, Rachel, why I asked you that question about your husband. I find it so fascinating that from the very beginning he wanted to have a girl.

Rachel Rainbolt: Well he said he loves me and so he would like having more of “me”s.

Sunny Gault: That’s so sweet. (Laughs) I’m getting a cavity here from all this sweetness. Ok. Annie, tell us a little bit about your situation.

Annie Laird: With my oldest daughter we found out via the ultrasound that we were having a daughter and everyone… my mom has a direct line to God, so she prayed for a granddaughter and that was the first grandbaby on either side of the family. Everyone was so very happy with number one. And then number two… I guess I just wanted a boy, I assumed – I didn’t have an ultrasound – I just assumed that it would all go by the plan and I bought blue clothes and we had a boy’s name picked out and then it was two weeks or a month before my daughter was born and my grandmother was in very ill health, very old, 91 years old, and when my aunties asked her what should Annie call the baby – and my grandma was very ill by this time, kind of senile - and she said, “Well Annie is going to have a little girl and she’s going to name her Lucy.” And we were like, “Ok, that’s it, grandma’s far from this world, she obviously doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” She passed two weeks later. Two weeks after that I gave birth to a little girl. My birth photographer - who was in here for a previous episode of Preggie Pals – caught a great shot of my face in shock. She got a picture of Lucy being born and then she scanned my face and I looked just floored. I was like “What?!”

Sunny Gault: “What’s with the penis?” (Laughs) That wasn’t easy.

Annie Laird: But at least with grandma we had our name picked out.

Sunny Gault: That’s awesome, though, that she kind of named her. Did you know right in that instant that you were going to use that name?

Annie Laird: Yeas. It was a joke, because my last name was Laird, so I was like, “Oh, Lucy Laird, it will be like Lucy Lu or Lucy Lawless, the worrier princess. What a ridiculous name.” We were never going to use this name. (Laughs) And then she was born and we were like, “Lucy, of course.”

Sunny Gault: Plug your years, honey. (Laughs) I’m kidding. Ok. So, Rachel, should we be embracing our feelings whatever they are or are we supposed to hide them? I mean I don’t feel like we’re supposed to hide them, but every time I’m outwardly expressive about having two boys and wishing that I had a girl, I feel like I get glares.

Rachel Rainbolt: You’re met with a lot of anger, yeah. Well I think feelings are never wrong or bad. So whatever you’re feeling recognize that and honor that. That’s how you can process it and move on. If you just deny it and just cling to “Oh, what a healthy baby, so everything is great!” like the rest of the world is telling you you should feel, then you’re not going to be able to heal that and move forward. So I think you definitely need to recognize it and acknowledge it and sit with it for a little bit of time, allow yourself a little bit of time to grieve.

At least for me that’s the word that really described how I felt. I felt like I lost a daughter that I never had and that I never will have. And that’s really hard for a lot of people to understand, but that’s ok. A lot of people won’t understand all kinds of experiences that you have in life, but don’t deny yourself those feelings because other people don’t understand them.

Sunny Gault: Right. I think you brought up a really good point and that is, it’s ok to take some time for yourself to grieve or whatever you want to call it. I actually had to do that after we found out, because we found out at about 20 weeks that our second baby was a boy. And my husband and I were in the ultrasound – and actually, Rachel, some of my situations are so similar to yours, because I’m reading them in your book and you’re talking about being there in the ultrasound and they start typing the word “boy” or “penis” on the screen. I had an out of body experience at that point. I was like, “Wait! You’re wrong. You’re wrong because I know this has to be a girl.” And then I just didn’t know what to think, what to feel, I felt so bad about this. I actually blogged about this on the Preggie Pals website. I could feel a tear go down my cheek. And in that moment I thought, “Oh my God, why am I crying?” It was uncontrollable. And I didn’t bust out and start whaling or anything. I could feel my husband just gently touch my leg and he said – probably the best thing to say in that moment – “I guess we’re going for number three.” (Laughs)

Rachel Rainbolt: That’s perfect.

Sunny Gault: And I thought, “I’ve got another shot.” Yeah, very similar to out of body, times slows down and…

Rachel Rainbolt: Yes, it’s a very similar experience, being in that ultrasound room. And when we found out that my second, my first was there also, and when we found out with the third the older two were there. I think it was important for them to be a part of that and they knew that we would love whether it was a boy or a girl, we were so ecstatic, but mommy, you know, would love to have a little girl too, and they knew that. And then when we found out we were all holding hands and together and… I think that allowing other people who are supportive and not judgmental, kind of into that bubble with you, can be helpful and can be healing. Being able to look into the eyes of my boys, right there loving me and supporting me, and being allowed to have their feelings about it too.

Sunny Gault: How did they feel about it?

Rachel Rainbolt: My oldest wanted a girl every time. My second is really easygoing and didn’t really have a preference either way. So I think you’re role-modeling for them too. Life is full of surprises and things don’t always go the way you want them to go and to just pretend like everything is fine doesn’t really serve you and it doesn’t really serve them either. I think I was comfortable with being ok, with them seeing a little bit of that sadness and seeing me kind of work through it and accept their support to get through it and then move on.

Sunny Gault: Yeah. Chelle, what kind of support did you have in all of this? Did you reach out to your husband in this?

Chelle Roman: Yeah, he understood. He knew I wanted a girl so bad even though he wanted a boy so bad. So I just feel like there was a little competition there. (Laughs) But my doctor knew I wanted a girl, so at the 16 week he was like, “If I had to make a guess I would say boy, but don’t hold me to it. It’s still so early.” And then at the 200 week he took a look and he just kind of looked at me and didn’t say anything and I was like, “I knew it!” He was like, “Sorry…” Why is he saying sorry?

Sunny Gault: “Sorry, my swimmers went the wrong way.”

Chelle Roman: And so it was ok. I got kind of sad. I remember getting into the car and just getting kind of sad and my husband was like, “It’s going to be fine. Cyler is going to have a brother.” And that was the turning point. They were going to be so close in age and they were going to be brothers. That’s so cool.

Sunny Gault: Now do you have a sister?

Chelle Roman: No. I just have a brother. And my husband has a sister. So I think that was also… I was like “Oh, boy-girl, boy-girl.”

Annie Laird: And conversely everyone here has boys. In my work as a labor doula I have dealt with certain cultures where I don’t want to say they’re more loved, but having a boy is more valued and so it’s an interesting kind of work to do when a family of a certain cultural background is having a girl and it’s not that boy that they wanted. It’s a real problem. It’s something that the parents have to work through.

Sunny Gault: I think it’s interesting that so many women feel – and I don’t know if it’s because we’re females too or women – that you want to be able to see a little one of you run around and whatever. I don’t meet as many women, I have met some, but I don’t as many women who just want boys and don’t have that passion for a girl. So I know we’re talking a lot about wanting girls and getting boys, but actually, Annie, your situation is a little different, with you having two girls and eventually wanting a boy. You can have one of ours. (Laughs) Just for today. Do you guys think learning a baby’s gender in advance contributes at all to gender disappointment?

Annie Laird: Absolutely.

Sunny Gault: Why?

Annie Laird: Because it’s so much harder to be holding.

Sunny Gault: Well I guess in your experience it was a little different, right?

Annie Laird: Yeah. Well In my case I didn’t find out, I had it so built up that I was having a boy. But you know what? I saw her and I fell in love just immediately. And there was no period of grief, it was, “Oh my god, look at this beautiful baby.” You know? Especially after going through natural child birth as well, with no pain medication. So I was going through that and all of the sudden all the discomfort went away, I had a baby, she was beautiful and I think that really helped me out.

Sunny Gault: I think that is an exceptional point to make and I’m one of those people that want to plan everything prior to a baby arriving, especially gender. But I think you totally converted me with what you just said. And that is that if you think you might have a problem with whatever the gender is maybe you should consider not finding out. And I’m the last person that would ever say that. But it’s true, it’s the endorphins, it’s everything that is going through your body and how can you deny a gorgeous little baby that just pops out of you?

Chelle Roman: Well I’ve heard both sides of that coin. I felt that it was really important for me to find out in advance because I knew that I would be devastated. And I did not want to be devastated on the day my baby was born. Especially with having a natural child birth and all that. And so those emotions can be very wild and lots of ups and downs and I didn’t want that to be a concern, kind of a potential pitfall for me in that post-birth time period.

Sunny Gault: I guess it could go either way. That’s a good point.

Chelle Roman: I think it’s a very, very personal choice and it can be good for an individual person either direction.

Sunny Gault: That’s a good point to make. Ok, when we come back we’re going to be talking about what to do if you are feeling disappointed but your partner isn’t. And also what to do when grandparents and other relatives are disappointed. (Laughs) We’ll be right back.

[Theme Music]

[00:20:54]

Sunny Gault: Welcome back! Today we are talking about dealing with gender disappointment. And Rachel Rainbolt is our special guest expert. She is the author of the Sage Parenting book. And you guys can actually get a free copy of that if you head on over to our website and look on the Giveaway section. Ok, so. Let’s a little bit more about how to deal with this disappointment. Rachel, in your opinion, and we can all kind of contribute to this question, is there a wrong way vs. a right way to handle gender disappointment?

Rachel Rainbolt: No, not at all. And I think that parallels with the questions like, is there a wrong way or a right way to handle grief? Everybody handles it in a different way. And like I mentioned, for me the feeling was very grief-esque in the sense that I felt like I had to morn a daughter that I would not have, this daughter that I had in my mind that doesn’t exist.

So I really strongly believe that there is no right or wrong way to handle that. Everybody goes through those types of feelings in their own way – some people turn outward for support; some people need some alone time to kind of sit in it and allow them that time and then they can move forward. So I think there definitely is not a right or wrong way.

Sunny Gault: Still how did you handle it? Did you spend time with yourself? Did you reach out to people?

Rachel Rainbolt: I think I spent more time with myself. I remember driving back home from work after the ultrasound with my husband. So I just got in the car and cried for a second and right at that moment one of my friends called me, because she knew I was at that appointment, and she said “So?” and I said “It’s a boy.” And she said, “Are you disappointed?” And I said, “Yeah.” (Laughs) And we just kind of laughed and I feel that by the end of the day it had already kind of simmered down. Because I had that in my head, I kind of knew it was a boy, even though I wanted a girl so badly/ And then, like I said, just knowing that my son was going to have a brother I think was really what kind of eased me, I had something to hang on to and… “Alright, it’s going to be ok. It’s not going to be a girl, but it’s going to be so awesome for my son.” So I think that helped.

Sunny Gault: Yeah. I had to time some time off too. I just took like half a day. Our appointment was towards the end of the day and I was like, “Before we really tell anyone I think I just need to sit with this.” And it was really therapeutic, it was really good for me to do that, because like you were talking about, Chelle, thinking “oh my god, I’ve got two boys and they’re going to be less than two years apart”. And I’m an only child, I never had any of that growing up, so whether a boy or a girl, I just thought, “Wow, that’s a really cool relationship they’re going to have.” And so I started really thinking about the positives to it. But I needed to come to terms with all of it before I started saying, “it’s a boy!”

Rachel Rainbolt: It’s like you build this structure in your mind, like the idea of this life that you’re going to have, this person that you’re going to have, these relationships that are going to be in your life. And then in the ultrasound or right after the baby is born it’s just been shaking and it’s kind of in pieces on the floor. And then you have to take a minute to kind of be sad that that structure is now in pieces. And then you put it together anew.

Sunny Gault: That’s the point.

Rachel Rainbolt: You put it together focusing on that brother relationship, or look, they’re going to have siblings and things like that. So you kind of need to take a minute to reassemble it and then you can see the good parts of it and accept it for what it is.

Sunny Gault: What would be your recommendation, Rachel, if partners don’t necessarily feel the same way? Like one feels disappointed and the other one doesn’t? Do you just reach out to your friends that maybe they understand you a little bit more? Or perhaps your mom, or another female?

Rachel Rainbolt: Well you have to allow your partner their feelings, whatever they may be. I think it’s also important to understand that we don’t have to feel the same way as our partner to support them in what they are feeling. So one partner can be glad that it’s a boy and one partner can be disappointed that it’s a boy or vice versa and you can still support the other person and I think that’s a lot of what a supportive relationship is about. But if you find that you’re not getting the support that you want from your co-parent, that’s ok. Turn to someone else for it. Reach out to moms groups, talk to your friends, your family members. It doesn’t have to be that person who can kind of reach you. Particularly other moms. Mine have a lot of experience with these issues, so reach out to them.

Sunny Gault: Ok. She’s definitely falling through the women talk more than the men. (Laughs) Falling into this stereotype, I love it, it’s so cute. Ok, so what do you do when the disappointment comes from family members? Maybe you’re ok with it, but your family is the one that’s really disappointed. And my story behind this is… I mentioned that I’m an only child. My husband – I have a sister-in-law, she has three boys. We have two boys. Guess who wants a little girl. Everybody wants a little girl!

Rachel Rainbolt: It’s a lot of pressure.

Sunny Gault: It’s a lot of pressure. But I put the pressure on myself, too. Even though, as we talked about it before, we don’t really determine what the gender is. But I do, I put the pressure on my mind, “oh, maybe we should have tried a different position, maybe we should have done something…”

Rachel Rainbolt: No. We did every position and every diet. It didn’t matter.

Sunny Gault: So for someone that’s in my position where you’re feeling a lot of pressure from the family – how do you handle that? What recommendations do you have?

Rachel Rainbolt: I think that that is the perfect kind of prepper for what it’s like parenting a child. Because a lot of time the grandparents or other family members will have all kinds of ideas about what you should and should not be producing in your child. So I think it’s a good primer for you to learn how to communicate with them and how to establish your boundaries. If it’s somebody who’s permanent in your life, like a family member, you should have a sit-down with them and say, “I really value your role in our lives and the support that you give us and the parenting advice you have to share, the wisdom you have to share. But this is where we’re at and you don’t have to agree with it, but please respect it.” So in terms of the “this is where we’re at”, you could say, “We are having a boy. We have worked hard to accept that and finally make peace with that. So if you can contribute to that peace and joy, we would love to hear it. If not, stay away.” (Laughs)

Sunny Gault: Ok. A question about having more children to try to have the gender that you want to have. Rachel, how did you come up with the choice to end it at three? I don’t know if this is too personal of a question, but since it relates to gender disappointment… did you think about having a fourth just to try to get that girl? Or no?

Rachel Rainbolt: No. (Laughing) I don’t want to have four boys. (Laughs)

Sunny Gault: Was that really it? Was that your thinking?

Rachel Rainbolt: Yeah. I mean, the way that I viewed it: we thought we were only going to have two. And after we had our second we both felt we had a little more love to give and a little more room in our lives.

Sunny Gault: And a greater chance of having a girl. (Laughs)

Rachel Rainbolt: But we didn’t decide to have our third until we were 100% in a place where we would be happy if it was another boy. I think that if you’re looking at that decision you have to wait if and when you get to the point where you would be 100% happy if it was the gender that you already have.

Annie Laird: When my husband and I lived up in Monterey, California there was a couple in our family, in our church, that had three boys. They decided, unlike you’re saying, we’re going to go for that girl. And then they ended up with twins. Twin boys. (Laughs) So they had five boys.

Rachel Rainbolt: I’m like shaking right now.

Annie Laird: So every time I hear that I’m like, “Hmm” We had a bunch of kids at our house last night and I was with a doula client. So my husband was at home with four children. And I came home, he goes, “You know, I think I’m good with four. I think we’re done. Even if they’re all girls, that is my limit.”

Rachel Rainbolt: Well a lot of people think that with each additional child, they’re like “I already have three, so the odds are greater.” But it doesn’t work that way. It’s still 50-50. It’s 50-50 every time.

Sunny Gault: Thank you, Rachel and ladies, for joining us today. It was a fantastic discussion. For members of our Preggie Pals Club this conversation is going to continue as we discuss some thoughts on medically predetermining your baby’s gender.

[Theme Music]

[00:29:44]

[Featured Segments: The Best Online Pregnancy Resources]

Sunny Gault: Before we wrap up today’s show, here’s Jeanette McCulloch with some of the best online pregnancy resources.

Jeanette McCulloch: Hello, Preggie Pals. I’m Jeanette McCulloch of Birthswell. We at Birthswell believe that you as a mother will make the right health decisions for your pregnancy and birth when you have access to evidence-based information and strong support system. That’s why I’m here to share with you new media tools to find the information that’s right for you.

You may have heard of Ina May Gaskin. She’s the legendary midwife who founded the Farm Midwifery Center in Tennessee in 1970. She’ll tell you just how important it is to hear birth stories, all kinds of birth stories while you are pregnant. If you are showing, you probably already heard more than one unsolicited birth story. If it was well-meaning but felt a little more like a war story than a love story, you are not alone.

There’s something about our birth culture that makes the sharing of positive stories taboo. But, as Ina May would say, while stories can’t tell you what your own experience will be like, they can illustrate how wide the range of normal birth is.

That’s why birthStoriesOnDemand.com is such a great resource for preparing for birth. Click on “Read a birth story” and you’ll find everything from natural birth stories to homebirth, to quick birth. While there are plenty of positive options to explore, including sections on midwife-assisted birth, the site doesn’t shy away from the kinds of stories that help us know the full range of experiences, including prenatal disorders. You can also listen to her podcasts, watch her new birth stories on Twitter and, of course, share your own birth story if you’d like. You can find the site at BirthStoriesOnDemand.com.

Thanks for listening to today’s tools for finding the information that’s right for you. And be sure to listen to Preggie Pals for more great pregnancy tips in the future.

Sunny Gault: If you have a pregnancy resource you would like to share with our audience, call the Preggie Pals hotline. It’s 619-866-4775 and we’ll include your resource in a future episode.

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Sunny Gault: So that wraps up our show for today. We appreciate you listening to Preggie Pals. Don’t forget to check out our sister shows, Parent Savers for parents with newborns, infants and toddlers and our show the Boob Group for moms who breastfeed their babies. This is Preggie Pals – your pregnancy, your way.

[Disclaimer]

This has been a New Mommy Media production. Information and material contained in this episode are presented for educational purposes only. Statements and opinions expressed in this episode are not necessarily those of New Mommy Media and should not be considered facts. Though information in which areas are related to be accurate, it is not intended to replace or substitute for professional, Medical or advisor care and should not be used for diagnosing or treating health care problem or disease or prescribing any medications. If you have questions or concerns regarding your physical or mental health or the health of your baby, please seek assistance from a qualified health care provider.

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