Parent Savers
Balancing Your Schedule with Multiple Children

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Please be advised, this transcription was performed from a company independent of New Mommy Media, LLC. As such, translation was required which may alter the accuracy of the transcription

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NANCY COHEN: When a new family member is added to the mix, it’s been said that love doesn’t divide, it multiplies. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for time. Time is a finite resource and many families never seem to have enough of it despite the best planning efforts and intentions. But there are some tips and strategies for families to help them maximize their schedules especially with multiple children in the mix. I’m Nancy Cohen, child development and behavior specialist and this is Parent Savers Episode 87.

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JOHNER RIEHL: Welcome back everybody to another episode of Parent Savers broadcasting from the Birth Education Center of San Diego. Parent Savers is your weekly online, on-the-go support group for parents of newborns, infants and toddlers. I’m your host, Johner Riehl, thanks again to all of our loyal listeners who joined us week-in and week-out. And thanks also to those who are listening for the first time. As you may know, you can join our Parent Savers Club and receive access to special bonus content after each new show, plus, special giveaways and discounts from time to time. And if you haven’t already please make sure to download the free Parent Savers app so you can automatically have access to all the great parenting advice and conversation we have on Parent Savers every week, and you can access all of our archive episodes as well, so if there ever a topic we covered within the past year and a half, we’re going to come up on two years pretty soon, you can access it, it’s great. It’s a really great resource, so make sure to check them out.

So let’s start this week’s conversation by meeting everyone who’s joining us in the room, we’ve got a full house of panelists and our expert. I’ll start, I’m Johner Riehl, I have three boys, a six year old, a four year old and a two year old, Quinner, Whitaker and Zyler. And to my right is Annie.

ANNIE LAIRD: Hi! I’m Annie, I’m a teacher, but I’m on maternity leave right now. I have three little girls, the youngest being one month, next oldest one is a year and a half and then an eight year old.

RACHEL ROBINSON: I’m Rachel Robinson, I’m currently working, I’m 25, I have one two year old boy named Ryder

JOHNER RIEHL: So we’re beginning to intimidate you with this conversation

RACHEL ROBINSON: Already, oh yes

JOLIE TISCHER: My name is Jolie, I have two boys, one that is five and his name is Sam and Logan who is three.

NANCY COHEN: I’m Nancy Cohen, I’m a child development and behaviour specialist. I have one daughter, she is 36 next week, and no grandchildren yet but keeping my fingers crossed

JOHNER RIEHL: But no pressure?

NANCY COHEN: No pressure! So Catherine if you’re listening…

JOHNER RIEHL: No pressure

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JOHNER RIEHL: Before we jump into today’s topic, let’s talk about baby names in our news headlines segment, and maybe some of you guys have seen the story, if not, we’ll it on the episode page. The headline is “Oh! Have you met my kid’s panda phone and cheese? These are the weirdest baby names of 2013. And so parenting website baby center release its annual baby names special report which included a roundup of the year’s most unusual monikers. And upon first glance there are some clear standouts here for girls blip, fairy and kiwi. I don’t know, those are all weird but blip was kind of

ANNIE LAIRD: Kiwi if you were from, you know, Australia would be bizarre

JOHNER RIEHL: Maybe if, you know, New Zealand was a special place in the conception. So let’s see, some of the boys names are Ajax, Bao Bao, Cheese, Danish, which is kind of funny, Egypt, Jag, Panda and Rocket

RACHEL ROBINSON: Where did they come up with these names?

JOHNER RIEHL: There is a database where you can see how many people were actually named these, and Swag, there were two kids named Swag. There are three kids named Butt.

ERIN ESTEVES: I know, with two T’s?

JOHNER RIEHL: With two T’s. That’s crazy

ANNIE LAIRD: That’s so cruel.

RACHEL ROBINSON: That’s setting your child up with for serious nickname drama.

JOHNER RIEHL: Hot Dog, there were two, there was six Butterbeans, three phones , thirty-four named Freak, three named Poopie, two superman, three Mushroom and three Elbow. And so, but I mean, okay, I have a unique name, Johner, you know it’s no Butt, it’s not

JOLIE TISCHER: But it’s so weird

JOHNER RIEHL: Right. Some of these almost seem like they’re mean, right?

NANCY COHEN: But, Butt, seems mean to me

ERIN ESTEVES: I mean it’s like see more Butts. It’s a joke waiting to happen. Why would you set your kid up for that?

JOHNER RIEHL: It’s possible, I mean, I’m not going to defend, I mean, I’m all for unique names, like I actually would advocate, like I think unique names are great. I have a unique name myself. But, maybe there’s a cultural thing that’s, Butt, maybe, I don’t know

RACHEL ROBINSON: Does it say on there where these names are coming from

ERIN ESTEVES: No it doesn’t

JOHNER RIEHL: So that’s the thing, so like on one hand, Kiwi? I think Kiwi was a great, I have no problem with the kid named Kiwi. I do have a problem with the kid named Poopie

ERIN ESTEVES: You know for nicknames, I think they’re fine, you know but then these, well, hey! If you want to call, hey! Tomorrow I’m going to go hang out with some friends that I haven’t seen in years and he’s known as Chicken, so there you go

JOHNER RIEHL: Got it!

RACHEL ROBINSON: That’s a nickname, not his birth name

ERIN ESTEVES: It’s a nickname. Yeah, so you know, it’s not like Poopie Esquire, you know what I mean. Of course he’s going to be an adult at some point

JOLIE TISCHER: And his driver’s license that would look really cute right? Poopie.

ERIN ESTEVES: You know why I pulled you over, Poopie

ANNIE LAIRD: Well you know, that was something that my parents told me that when in to my name I have a very, you know, what they thought was timeless Anne and they said well you know there were a lot of names that were popular you know in the late 70’s when you were born but we didn’t want you be one of the million Jennifer’s but the same talk, it had to be a name, that they said, you know, if you want to grow up and be a doctor, you know, there were certain names that were popular then, that they’re like, it just won’t sound good as a doctor you know whatever

JOHNER RIEHL: Doctor Butterbean

ANNIE LAIRD: Doctor Poopie, yeah

ERIN ESTEVES: I worked with a guy whose last name was Craft, and he wanted to name his son Air

RACHEL ROBINSON: Well, that’s like with Kim Kardashian, they just named their baby Northwest

JOHNER RIEHL: If they do have more, if they’re going to keep going

JOLIE TISCHER: At least it’s not like a seemingly cruel type name, like my name is different. I mean obviously there’s plenty of people named Jolin but, it wasn’t necessarily popular at that time, well, I think it was popular at that time because I was born right around when the song came out but growing up I didn’t know anybody else whose name is Jolin and I wish my name was Julie. Because it was obviously close and I could never find, you know, the bumper sticker, the gold old license plate things…

ANNIE LAIRD: Mom there’s no Butt here

JOLIE TISCHER: Or Freak or whatever, I mean, that just seems like you just had your kid up for,, I mean, I’m not saying every kids going to be traumatized because they can’t find their license plate number, but, I was, just kidding

NANCY COHEN: Basically if you choose to name your kid one of these names and you have to be saving for therapy as well

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JOHNER RIEHL: Alright, let’s dive in today’s topic, we’re going to talk about Balancing Schedules with Multiple Children which is actually something probably a few of us had to do just to be here today to record so thank you all for joining us and thanks everyone for listening. Today we’re talking with Nancy Cohen, a child development and behavior specialist, thank you so much for joining us

NANCY COHEN: Happy to be here

JOHNER RIEHL: Let’s just ask the broad question, how do people balance their schedules with their family?

NANCY COHEN: With huge difficulty and guilt. That’s what I have to say. And then you know I don’t think it comes easily, I don’t think it comes naturally I don’t think it’s just one of those things you wake up and say “Oh what are we going to do today?” because you already have about 500 things scheduled that you have to do so, I think, thinking ahead, kind of looking ahead of the week or looking ahead of the month or you know trying to kind of figure out and look ahead to see what’s going for your kids as well as for you to make some accommodations. That’s really important.

JOHNER RIEHL: Yeah, it’s probably a pretty common, I would imagine here in the room with our listeners that you know in our family if it’s not on the calendar, it doesn’t exist

NANCY COHEN: Exactly

JOHNER RIEHL: So, you know, all members of the family that are able need to be able to train on how to use that family calendar, just to keep things balanced. But I think it’s important in kind of what you said too that you are also looking at it from the kids perspective too, it’s not just the whole family but each individual. For sure our listeners have a lot of young kids focused on kids five and under but, you know, they have activities and you need to look at them individually too. So, what’s the balance though between doing things together and then giving kids their own time and being cognizant and aware of what they need?

NANCY COHEN: Actually it’s really in the children’s best interest in the families best interest to have combinations of people doing things together which again can be a little bit tricky so it’s not all family time or only time for individual kids who are having their activities but, you know, dad and one kid or dad and two kids or mom and one kid, you know, so you kind of mix things up so that the family can have a different dynamics so it’s not always just family time because I know a lot of families say “Oh, we do everything together”, which is also really nice to do some things together but if you have different aged children, they have different needs and want to be doing different things so, sometimes dragging the little one to something that the older one is able to do, doesn’t make it fun for anybody.

JOHNER RIEHL: Right

NANCY COHEN: So, really taking a look at different combinations of, you know, different dyads and triads of who can do things together

ANNIE LAIRD: And that’s what I’m kind of struggling with right now Nancy is having the two young children and then my elementary school child. So, I can go to like Java Mama across the street which is like a coffee shop playhouse and so my toddler, she’s in heaven and my infant, you know it’s loud there so she falls right asleep, so I think that’s awesome but then my eight year old is bored and I run into that so much of just how do I find stuff that bridges the common interest and one of finding more and more with you know with my whole one month of being a mom of three here. It’s hard, it’s hard when there’s a large gap within your children’s ages

NANCY COHEN: And sometimes they have to accommodate each other they have to realize and I think acknowledging your eight year old feelings about that. I know this is hard for you as little bit boring you know when later on this afternoon we’ll be able to have some time together and I think that’ll be more fun and your sister’s won’t be here to take away from their time with us. So, acknowledging, sometimes this is a bummer this isn’t what you really want to be doing and I understand that and that’s part of being a family. But, you’re going to have your chance too. So they don’t think “Oh, I’m always been dragged around”

ANNIE LAIRD: That’s a teachable moment one would say in my profession so, this is what patience looks like and this is what acknowledging the need of the, you know, the youngest sometimes. I gave you this attention when you were little

JOHNER RIEHL: I feel like we’re so rough on our oldest though, I mean, for a, you know, they end up having to hear upfront of that lessons so many times. Well, your brother’s too remember? And it was like you, I feel bad for him, our six year old but we have to keep telling him that, you want to give him that time

NANCY COHEN: Right. Which is why you do want to do something special with the six year old, and they won’t even remember it though, I mean, they’re still, even if you do a hundred things just for the six year old they’re still thinking that the little ones get more. So, it never really balances up and for your own sake I think and really having that extra time with the older ones I think is really helpful for them. You know, taking them to a movie or doing something that the little ones can’t do, doing something special for the six year old and then say “Hey, isn’t this great? You know we get to have this time alone and do this fun stuff and the babies aren’t with us” and you know that’s really great that we were able to do that

JOHNER RIEHL: Have you heard of Fomo?

NANCY COHEN: No

JOHNER RIEHL: Fear of missing out. And so, I think my wife has it really bad and so we end up, you know, I wouldn’t say were perfect, we’d talk about it so it’s not like I’m telling secrets like, that she really had someone, I think I do at some extent too and so that, I think is a lot of time is when our families want to do things together and not split up. We’re worried not only for us but, it’s the six year old going to be sad about the four year olds getting to do something or is he going to be sad like missing out on something so if we all just stick together, we’re all having the same experience. But maybe that’s not the way to look at it

NANCY COHEN: I think blending again or both, you know, so you’re having some experiences as the full family and nobody’s missing out and then having something’s that are for individual kids because they love that one on one time. And they need it, they need it.

JOHNER RIEHL: Do we have a question from facebook?

ERIN ESTEVES: Yes. We have a question from Lea Hansen Vatiani, she basically has the same issue right now where she has a three and a half year old and a five week old, and she also second and third children. She wants to know, how do you deal with the nap versus activity for the older kids because the nap schedule might not allow them to go to their activities, at what point do you draw the line? How do you juggle this?

NANCY COHEN: That’s a great point. Sometimes activities have to be put on hold particularly when they have a really young baby. But other times little babies like five week old babies, and you guys with the one month old you’ll know, you can tell me better. You’re on the front lines. But I think sometimes you can take the baby, you know, sometimes little babies, particularly second babies are portable you know, so they can just be in your carrier while you’re son or daughter is playing soccer. You know again that’s all you know well and good. But when they’re particularly little you can do that. When they get a little bit older and they do have a set nap time and then it does become more difficult and then, what I like to recommend is relying on friends and family and other people who are on the soccer team, so that you can be carpooling a little bit you know, so if you can’t take the children but maybe you could pick them up because it’s after. You know, you can’t always be at the soccer game but maybe another parent can be at the soccer game so kind of trying to work out logistics using support

JOHNER RIEHL: I think that there’s probably a big issue that a lot of people have when they don’t want to ask for help. But I think that you know, what you touch on is that ask for help, you know, people love, if somebody ask you for help a lot of times, you’d love helping your friends and with their kids. I wish you can’t tap it out but don’t be afraid to ask for help

NANCY COHEN: Right. And somebody, you’re friend might say No, I can’t, but, you know at least you asked them right for somebody else. Don’t take it personally. People have other things they have to do

JOHNER RIEHL: Unless it’s your mother-in-law and you asked her a few times and she said “Oh…”, never mind. What are some tips though for scheduling that one on one time? It is super important, but, you know, there’s family situations where maybe they don’t allow it you know what are some tips asking for help maybe one of them to be able to get the one on one time

NANCY COHEN: I suggest something with every single family that I’ve worked with or I see or I know and that’s called special time and there’s one on one time particular with the older children over two with one parent one child in the home, so it’s not like special time out in the world where you’re going to a movie or you’re going to Disneyland or doing something special like that which is also fun to do.

But it’s basically one on one where the parent is sitting down on the floor, playing with the child. So you can be doing blocks you can be doing coloring, you can do some kind of other art activities, a game like Uno, I’ve played Uno probably ten thousand times and so, it’s something that you can do one on one with the child closed at door just you alone with the child giving that full on attention.

And you call it special time and you schedule it on the calendar, you actually put it on the calendar and each of your children get that special time after the age of about two because babies get our special time pretty much all the time. It’s always a special time with any of them, but for the older children particularly you call it special time, you put it on the calendar you have it one on one. Dad does it, mom does it or mom and mom or dad and dad or whatever the configuration is of the family and those kids now, “Yey, I got mommy for twenty minutes” just about twenty minutes long, that’s all, it’s called special time. And it’s just, it’s a miracle.

My daughter told me as an adult, that looking back on her childhood it was the very, now she’s an only child so, you know that’s a whole other program. But, she loves special time, she felt that, because on our busy lives, I’m a working mom, she had a working dad, we really needed to schedule that one on one, you’ve got me, no cellphone, no television, no computer, no iPad, no nothing. Just me and the child, mom, dad the child. It’s really helpful.

RACHEL ROBINSON: It’s like a small step to make a big impact.

NANCY COHEN: Exactly. It’s money in the bank. It really does because then they feel like they’ve gotten that, because all children want attention, you know the bottom line is I want to be loved only. I want to be loved the best and I want to be loved only. Really. And since I can’t have that at least twenty minutes, you know, every couple of days is pretty good. So, that’s what I would recommend for one on one time

JOHNER RIEHL: I guess you’re right when you say what’s really important to about put everything else away. I mean it’s easy to have that other distractions where they want them but make sure you’re totally focused on

ANNIE LAIRD: Totally engaged

JOLIE TISCHER: And they totally notice if you go and see your phone, “Mom, put your phone away”

NANCY COHEN: They hate those cellphones

JOHNER RIEHL: I think this is a good time to take a quick break. When we come back, we’ll talk about unstructured time, how technology actually can help though to even though were talking about avoiding it but, you know, in the planning and some other things so, we’ll be right back

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JOHNER RIEHL: Welcome back everybody, today we’re talking about balancing Schedules with Multiple Children with Nancy Cohen, thanks again for joining us

NANCY COHEN: My pleasure

JOHNER RIEHL: So let’s talk about unstructured time like, is it, we’re talking about having structured special time, but how important is just unstructured time, is that something you really need to schedule but even though it’s scheduling to do nothing structured?

NANCY COHEN: Yeah this is a quandary for me, and I’m glad parents are here to kind of talk about this too because, you know, when I was a kid growing up a million years ago and even when my daughter was growing up thirty six years ago it was easier to have unstructured time. When there is more neighborhood playing, you know, kids just kind of went outside, go outside, I went outside for hours, my mother had no idea where I was and that’s a miracle I ever came back.

So, it’s important to have some unstructured time so that things can kind of fall in place so you can just enjoy being together and it’s like nice being in your jammies on a Sunday. But I know that there’s so many things going on in everyone’s lives, that the idea of unstructured time is one thing but actually having it people seem to say to me, we don’t have time for unstructured time because we’re always planning something, there’s always something on that calendar

JOHNER RIEHL: I think my wife feels a big pressure, we’ve talked this kind of the book report mentality toward the end of the weekend if somebody asked you on Monday, what did you guys do this weekend? Do you have to be able to list all these things off? So if something’s not scheduled for a day like “What? That was an opportunity to schedule or something”. But kids, especially as they get closer to five, or older or six they do want that unstructured time.

We actually though wheel them on the street with a lot of kids and there’s some families that are totally open to the “Hey! Can they come out and play?” or whatever, but there’s other families where Quinner’s gone by and knock on their door and then they seen Cristina and go grotesque like “What are you doing?” they don’t want to have to be the bad guy saying no or anything and it’s really interesting that I feel like it’s totally different than how we’ve how we grew up that some people are saying

ANNIE LAIRD: I would send that angry grotesque back, that’s just me

NANCY COHEN: That seems unreasonable, right?

ANNIE LAIRD: Yeah, I just, you know, I mean, my daughter, the eight year old was like, can I have a play date, I’m like, yeah, it’s called going outside and knocking on people’s door and go and play

JOHNER RIEHL: We found that some parents like want us to clear that first

JOLIE TISCHER: But your kids also need to learn that sometimes it’s not a good time. So if you’re at the door and they say ok we’ll join his doing his homework or whatever, that’s an acceptable answer and yes you might be bummed but A you tried

NANCY COHEN: So, what can you do now?

JOLIE TISCHER: Do something else. Yeah, ask somebody else to go play with you

NANCY COHEN: Or learning to play alone. Right. There you go, play alone. I think that, it’s important to have some unscheduled time because kids don’t really know what to do with themselves, a lot of children when they have 15-20 minutes that is unscheduled time they’re like baffled, what am I going to do? What do you mean what you’re going to do? Play. Because they’re so scheduled

JOHNER RIEHL: Playroom with all those toys

NANCY COHEN: That’s a good place to figure something out. But I know a lot of kids who are just like, I don’t know what to do, because they are so scheduled, every minute of every day, every weekend there’s a plan. And then when they have a few minutes of downtime, they’re amazed that or they just want to be on the computer. So it’s either being scheduled or being on the computer

JOLIE TISCHER: For my children it started from very early age who had been in a military day care which re all accredited by National Association of

NANCY COHEN: Education of Young Children

JOLIE TISCHER: That’s it. It’s all very scheduled from, you know, it’s not like you’re marching on rank or anything but from the time when my daughter’s were in day care from when they were six weeks old, there’s a schedule for every moment of every day, ok we have circle time, and here’s our time when we wash our hands, and here’s our time for our free play outside, so, it’s not even, that’s not even unscheduled because it’s scheduled as free playtime for 15 minutes or whatever it is so like you said then now my daughter’s like what do I do, and I’m like, I don’t know, read a book.

I also thinks it’s appearance responsibility of deciding what’s too much for your kids, it’s like depending on how many kids you have and what activities therein. You know, I have some family members where every kid is in a sport and it might be a different sport with different field, so then of course that comes in to the scheduling and which parents taking which kids etcetera but, you know, my son just stopped playing and would just finish with soccer and I was like ok what are we going to do now and my husband’s like, “nothing”. Like what about, you know something else like he said well you know because we are going to have to play baseball and it starts in February and don’t you want some time to like have a Saturday morning where we don’t have to wash out the door to go to a game, I’m like, “Okay, I guess so, what are we going to do with those things”.

So parents get a little bit like that

NANCY COHEN: Right. Because we get used to that, we get used to the schedule, and used to knowing what’s happening and then suddenly we don’t that anymore and it’s like…what are we going to do?

RACHEL ROBINSON: And then for me having a two year old, we have a schedule but it changes all the time and then it all depends on what Ryder wants to do right then and if we have things planned out he finds some way to make it all about him and that’s just being a two year old

NANCY COHEN: It’s absolutely being a two year old

RACHEL ROBINSON: Yeah, so that thing is really sad

NANCY COHEN: You have to be a little spontaneous and go with the flow. Flexibility.

RACHEL ROBINSON: If not, you’re going to go nuts. That’s for sure

NANCY COHEN: Right. It’s really important

JOHNER RIEHL: Do you use a recommended technology for helping families schedule or did any of you guys in the room have

NANCY COHEN: Used technology? Other than the calendar?

JOHNER RIEHL: Well what kind of calendar, you use, yeah, I mean

ANNIE LAIRD: I use my phone, yeah, and so, if somebody wants to schedule something before I say yes I make sure that there’s not

JOHNER RIEHL: Do you have a specific program or app that you use

ANNIE LAIRD: No, just my phone

JOHNER RIEHL: Does it synch to your computer?

ANNIE LAIRD: I think it does, yeah

JOHNER RIEHL: But it’s all like, can your husband access that?

ANNIE LAIRD: If he has my access to my email

JOLIE TISCHER: It’s probably it might be Google, if you have Gmail it’s probably your Google calendar

RACHEL ROBINSON: I have an app that I was using I think it’s called Cozi Family Calendar, I actually really like that app you can share it between your family and have like this person is doing this and this person doing this and you can put your grocery list on it just kind of knock all the basics out

NANCY COHEN: It keeps everything really organized

ANNIE LAIRD: But I do like the tactile like actually having a physical calendar and what I find with most calendars is that their too small as we added children. When we have another child we need a bigger calendar, but there’s one called the monster grid and it’s like 3 ft tall by one foot wide or something like that for a month

RACHEL ROBINSON: That’s a serious calendar

ANNIE LAIRD: That is a serious calendar. We have to nail it up on the wall every year. I just got my one for 2014 here but yeah, the blocks are really big and so there’s enough space to write in everything, especially weekends.

NANCY COHEN: I think that’s really great particularly as kids get older because then they can actually consult the calendar and visuals are really important for young children they need that visual where they can actually look at something and say “Oh today is Saturday, Oh this is what I’m doing, great”

RACHEL ROBINSON: I know what I had for when I was formerly a preschool teacher we had, it was a calendar with the pockets and so I had like full picture like “Oh here’s the birthday at school present, this is a holiday so, the kids could visually see what was going on so when they’re not really at that point when they’re reading but they can kind of identify those pictures, they really enjoyed it

NANCY COHEN: That’s a fun idea. Put some little pockets in it, to put special things. That’s a great idea. It really includes them

JOHNER RIEHL: Do you choose Google calendar?

ANNIE LAIRD: Yeah, I do. I use it for work and for stuff

RACHEL ROBINSON: I still have my paper planner that I write things in for my schedule though and then those little tiny spots

JOHNER RIEHL: Let’s talk about what are reasonable weekend that might look like for a family like Annie’s situation or Jolin with the older kid and a young one. Let’s say that there is like a one year old in the mix and elementary aged kid. What’s reasonable like to build around nap times and you know activities to do?

NANCY COHEN: Well again, if you’re lucky enough to be in a two parent family then you have one parent who can go to the soccer game and one parent who can stay home with the one year old. Otherwise you’re in a little bit of trouble because you’re on your own and again I think utilizing friends or family members, if you really want your child to be doing extra-curricular activities. How do you guys, I mean in general, I’m curious to know what you do?

ANNIE LAIRD: Well I have a husband but he’s in the navy and he is on ship right now so it means he’s never around. So even when he’s, when he’s not deployed, a lot of times he’s working weekends. So I just have to kind of put my foot down and say one activity at a time and I don’t over schedule my kids so, my daughter she doesn’t have any interest in sports, I wish she did because I really had an interest in sports but I’m not going to push on her because it’s stress for her and she doesn’t want to do it and stress for me for driving her around everywhere. So, if she’s not super super excited about it then I’m not going to schedule her for it because that’s more on my plate and then stress for me too trying to talk her into doing something she doesn’t want to do in the first place

JOLIE TISCHER: One point I wanted to come back to that you have brought up about what do you do with the younger child if your older child say has a soccer game, and I think it depends on the age of the younger child but so I have a five year and a three year old and when he, my five year old played soccer, the younger brother I always came which sometimes he was in to sometimes he wasn’t but we tried to express to him that this is something that his brother does and that you need to support you brother it’s not very long I mean this is a while so for four year olds it’s like a half hour game, it’s not very long, so they can always entertain themselves elsewhere but we thought that was an important lesson to teach our younger child that you have to support the things that your family is doing, I mean obviously, we make him go to a soccer tournament, you know if you have a really large age gap, it’s probably not a good idea but

NANCY COHEN: So did you bring things for him to do?

JOLIE TISCHER: Yeah

NANCY COHEN: So, that’s how you work around so you got the younger one who may or may not be interested in the game, and so you brought things that he could occupy himself with for that half an hour or hour

JOLIE TISCHER: Of course there’s always technology, you can always give them your phone to play a game, but you bring cars for them play with them the dirt or there’s usually or obviously a playground not very far away

ERIN ESTEVES: I’m actually going to get together with a group of moms next month and make busy bags. So we’re going to have, everybody’s going to bring stuff to make a certain kind of busy bag and then you each get to share so everybody gets a different busy bag

JOHNER RIEHL: That’s a good idea. That’s a good trick I think too, to being able to manage everything

JOLIE TISCHER: You have to be prepared, you can’t just like, why are you upset, I have nothing for you to do, or for you to eat. You need to sit down and be quiet. That’s all about being a mom or a dad, it’s like if you’re going somewhere you better be prepared, or you’re that parent that feels like and you have nothing to entertain yourself

NANCY COHEN: I like that idea with the bag because bringing special toys to some of these events that don’t come out all the time, you know just for the soccer, you know “Oh these are your special toys that we bring out when you’re at your brother’s soccer game and they’re like “Wow this is great” so, it’s more novel too it’s not always the toy that’s always brought out but different books, I like the book idea, I think this is very good. Get the books out everybody.

JOHNER RIEHL: I like the idea of like an exchange too of like, you know what let me put together a busy bags for you, you put one for me because then it’s all brand new. Which blows their mind when it’s a new toy

ERIN ESTEVES: Maybe you’ll get an invite to my busy bag

JOHNER RIEHL: Well I have to check the calendar and make sure that that’s going to work. Alright, well thanks so much everyone for joining us, thanks Nancy for the great ideas. For more information about today’s topic, or for more information about our panelists, visit the episode page on our website. We are going to continue our conversation though for our members of our Parent Savers Club after the show we’re going to talk a little bit about the biggest mistake parents make when it comes to scheduling. For more information about the Parent Savers Club or anything else, visit www.parentsavers.com, well not anything else, anything else related to this show go to www.parentsavers.com

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JOHNER RIEHL: We have a question for one of our experts from Adrienne in New Mexico, she writes: “I’m having a hard time with my son’s cradle cap. I can’t get rid of it and it just keeps coming back. What suggestions can you offer for me? I’ve been using gentle baby products on it because he has eczema. Help!”

DOCTOR FREDERICK JOHNSON: Hi! This is Doctor Frederick Johnson calling in Adrienne. I guess my first question would be how old is your son? Usually for younger kid or infants we suggest using either head and shoulders or Selsun once or twice a week to get rid of the scales and then using a gentle brush and perhaps baby oil in between. If it’s not doing any better with that after, I would say a couple of weeks you should probably have him seen by his doctor just to make sure that it’s only cradle cap and not something else. So, hope that answers all your question and I’ll talk to everyone later. Bye-bye.

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JOHNER RIEHL: Alright, that wraps it up for today’s show, thanks so much for joining us on Parent Savers, we totally appreciate you listening, please tell your friends about it if you like this, and go ahead and tell them about us even if you tell them that you didn’t like us. Don’t forget to check out our sister shows Preggie Pals for expecting parents, The Boob Group for moms who breastfeed their babies and Twin Talks, which is our newly debut show for parents of multiple, of the same age. Next week on Parent Savers, we’ll be talking about potty-training mistakes and, this is Parent Savers empowering new parents.

[Disclaimer]
This has been a New Mommy Media production. Information and material contained in this episode are presented for educational purposes only. Statements and opinions expressed in this episode are not necessarily those of New Mommy Media and should not be considered facts. Though information in which areas are related to be accurate, it is not intended to replace or substitute for professional, Medical or advisor care and should not be used for diagnosing or treating health care problem or disease or prescribing any medications. If you have questions or concerns regarding your physical or mental health or the health of your baby, please seek assistance from a qualified health care provider.

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